Sunday, June 06, 2010

Fitting In (that is so junior high)

I am in the process of cleaning our bedroom and as I'm organizing and dusting the top of my dresser, I notice that I don't have a Bible with my journal and Bible study.  So I go off to look for one to place in there.  I came across the Bible I bought for myself in 1994 when I was in high school and working at Wal-Mart.  As I thumbed through it, I found some old fortunes I had kept from fortune cookies (I don't know why I put them there. Is that sacrilegious?).  Well, one said:

There is a deep sincere friendship between you and your friends.

As I read it over again, I pondered to myself, "Why then do I sometimes feel like a social outcast?"

I look at my husband who has the easiest time in the world making friends.  He is the friendliest person I know.  It is just the way he is. People flock to him (Maybe that is why God has called him to the ministry). Just last night, he had dinner with a group of men he barely knows. 

Then there is me.  I get nervous in situations where I don't know people. Even around my closest friends, I have moments that I feel awkward.  I want to know more about people, but I don't want to be nosey.  I want to be included in their activities, but I have a hard time leaving my kids.  Just the other day, we had professional development at work.  All morning long I heard the other teachers asking each other, "Where are we going for lunch?"  As soon as lunch break was announced, my coworkers were gone.  So, I had lunch by myself.  I admit, I was a little hurt.  After all, I hadn't had  the opportunity to spend time with my coworkers since having the baby.  I'm not one to ask to tag along.  I called my husband at work and asked him if I was that repulsive that no one wanted to spend an hour with me.

I felt like a social outcast.

Then, I felt stupid for letting it bother me (after all, that is so junior high).

I considered Jesus. He didn't always fit in either. Some considered Him a social outcast.

Then I took another step back to look at myself.  I like myself.  I try not to gossip (but I'll admit sometimes its difficult and sometimes I do get caught up in it).  I try to be positive.  I put my family first (some days I have chosen to spend that lunch hour with my family because it is something I don't get to do during the school year). I like to have fun and laugh.  I like to encourage people and make them feel special.  I like to listen more than I talk (sometimes).  I admit that I'm not always good at saying things, but I'm usually better at writing them.  I know my strengths and weaknesses.

Yes, like myself. I like what God has done in my life.  I like that He loves me no matter what.

I can handle the fact that I don't always fit it.  I accept the fact that sometimes I won't be included and it might hurt a bit.

I just have to remember who I am....I am a child of God.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you so much for stopping by. I hope in some way I have blessed you. I look forward to reading your comment. I may not always get the chance to respond, but I do read every comment.