I am in the process of cleaning our bedroom and as I'm organizing and dusting the top of my dresser, I notice that I don't have a Bible with my journal and Bible study. So I go off to look for one to place in there. I came across the Bible I bought for myself in 1994 when I was in high school and working at Wal-Mart. As I thumbed through it, I found some old fortunes I had kept from fortune cookies (I don't know why I put them there. Is that sacrilegious?). Well, one said:
There is a deep sincere friendship between you and your friends.
As I read it over again, I pondered to myself, "Why then do I sometimes feel like a social outcast?"
I look at my husband who has the easiest time in the world making friends. He is the friendliest person I know. It is just the way he is. People flock to him (Maybe that is why God has called him to the ministry). Just last night, he had dinner with a group of men he barely knows.
Then there is me. I get nervous in situations where I don't know people. Even around my closest friends, I have moments that I feel awkward. I want to know more about people, but I don't want to be nosey. I want to be included in their activities, but I have a hard time leaving my kids. Just the other day, we had professional development at work. All morning long I heard the other teachers asking each other, "Where are we going for lunch?" As soon as lunch break was announced, my coworkers were gone. So, I had lunch by myself. I admit, I was a little hurt. After all, I hadn't had the opportunity to spend time with my coworkers since having the baby. I'm not one to ask to tag along. I called my husband at work and asked him if I was that repulsive that no one wanted to spend an hour with me.
I felt like a social outcast.
Then, I felt stupid for letting it bother me (after all, that is so junior high).
I considered Jesus. He didn't always fit in either. Some considered Him a social outcast.
Then I took another step back to look at myself. I like myself. I try not to gossip (but I'll admit sometimes its difficult and sometimes I do get caught up in it). I try to be positive. I put my family first (some days I have chosen to spend that lunch hour with my family because it is something I don't get to do during the school year). I like to have fun and laugh. I like to encourage people and make them feel special. I like to listen more than I talk (sometimes). I admit that I'm not always good at saying things, but I'm usually better at writing them. I know my strengths and weaknesses.
Yes, like myself. I like what God has done in my life. I like that He loves me no matter what.
I can handle the fact that I don't always fit it. I accept the fact that sometimes I won't be included and it might hurt a bit.
I just have to remember who I am....I am a child of God.