Right now, there are three relationships in your life that trouble you. Perhaps a good friend said something to you yesterday. It felt critical, but you’re not sure what she meant. The two of you used to be so close, but lately you’ve been drifting apart. Something’s not right. Oh, and your mother called. There’s that. You know you should return her call, but you haven’t. Why? You know there are things you should have said before, you avoided them, and now you feel it’s too late. It’s always so hard with her. Always messy. And then…your son has been missing. Not missing physically, but he’s been distant, quiet, silent. Missing emotionally. What’s that about? What’s going on in his life? You want to reach out, but he pushes you away. It worries you.
Maybe the relationships in your life aren’t exactly like these, but
I’m guessing these remind you of someone close to you, a problem
relationship in your life right now. Maybe it’s not your mother but your
father, perhaps not your son but a daughter-in-law. It could be your
best friend. Whoever it is, he or she is someone who matters to you—or
else the relationship wouldn’t trouble you, gnaw at you on the inside,
make you question and grumble, or even bring you to tears.
So take a moment and think, who are these three key people in your
life? Which meaningful relationships are troubling you? Relationships
you wish were closer. Relationships you’d like to be deeper and richer.
Relationships that trouble you, bother you, even make you a little
crazy right now.
Seriously, think about it. Who are they? And now take a moment to name these three key relationships out loud.
Trust me, this is important for you. In fact, this may be the most significant thing you do in your life right now. Why?
Because life is way too short. At the end of the day—at the end of
The Day—in this all-too-short life we share, all that really matters is
relationships. Our relationships with the God who created us and with
the people we love. Compared to these relationships, the job or career
goals we set now aren’t really so important, the ladders we try to climb
don’t matter so much, and the objects we long to own and possess seem
What really counts in the end is that special knowing look you share
with your spouse, the arms of your child reaching up to you, or the
quiet comfort of a friend who stands by your side in a difficult time.
The award-winning animated movie Up contains some profound truths
about relationships. In a breathtaking sequence early in the film, we
see the entire arc of the life of Carl, a balloon salesman, as he meets
Ellie, falls in love, and gets married. They share a dream to travel
to South America and save every penny for their big trip. But there’s
something familiar about the way their savings are constantly being
used for the urgencies and emergencies of daily life. Before Carl and
Ellie know it, they’re in their seventies, and although they have a
beautiful marriage, they never realized their dream adventure.
Ellie dies, and Carl is overwhelmed with regret about the trip they
never took. In a desperate attempt to escape loneliness and recapture
memories of Ellie, Carl attaches a bunch of balloons to his house and
sets out for South America!
You begin to realize as the movie
progresses that this dream trip they were saving for, this object of
their future plan together, wasn’t really that important after all. The
real adventure was the life they shared along the way.
The same is true for us: the adventure of a lifetime is right in front of us. It’s just cleverly disguised as a familiar face.
Think about the possible loss of the relationship with one of those
three people you named. You can’t do anything about death and the
physical departure of one of them from this earth. That’s in God’s
But you can do something about your relationship with them in life.
Much of what you’ve been told about relationships is upside down and wrong.
Researchers tell us that a baby sees everything upside down for the
first few days of life until the brain can adjust the visual picture to
right side up. Most relationships today are stuck in this same infant
stage; we tend to see relationships upside down, and our culture only
reinforces this view. The concept of love at first sight permeates our
music, movies, television, and books. What we learn as children and
continue to believe as adults is that a fairy-tale relationship somehow
just happens. Now, I’m not bashing romance, but meaningful
relationships depend on seeing other people as they are and looking at
them right side up. Real love—whether romantic love, a close
friendship, or a family relationship—happens long after first sight. It
shows up as people get to know each other more deeply and often after
they work through tough things together. Real love in relationships
isn’t a magic act; it’s a journey.
When people say, “It was love at
first sight,” what they really mean is “I was attracted to that person
the first time I saw them.” There is nothing wrong with being
infatuated with someone at the start of a relationship. The real
question, however, is, do you have a love that is growing stronger and
deeper every day?
I don’t believe in love at first sight; I believe in love at last
sight. Each of my relationships has the potential to be better the next
time we’re together than it was the previous time so that the last time
we see each other on this earth we’re closer than ever before.
I’d like you to join me in the Lasting Love Relationship Challenge. The book One Month to Love
is the challenge, and you can do it on your own. Just read a chapter
each day. There are thirty chapters, they’re short, and you can probably
read one a day pretty easily. At the end of each chapter you’ll find
the Lasting Love Relationship Challenge, which is designed to help you
take the insights from that day and apply them to your key
relationships. Also you can log on to onemonthtolove.com each day to
access our personal coaching and get extra encouragement and advice or
share your story. Our goal is to come alongside you to help you create
the very best relationships possible. Let’s resolve to love this year!
Adapted from One Month to Love by Kerry and Chris Shook with permission of Multnomah Books, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved.