Book Review: How Can I Possibly Forgive?

I have had the opportunity to join Sara Horn's launch team for her new book How Can I Possibly Forgive? Rescuing Your Heart from Resentment and Regret.  I was excited about this opportunity because I have read other books written by Sara such as My So-Called Life as a Submissive Wife and GodStrong. In those books, I appreciated Sara's use of humor and honesty in her writing.  I felt a connection with her through her personal stories. Therefore, I looked forward to reading her newest book which is available on October 1.

After reading How Can I Possibly Forgive?, I have to say that Sara did not disappointment me.  She used wit and honesty to tell her personal experience with forgiveness.  In her book, Sara did not sugar coat things that she isn't so proud of.  Instead, she told what she did that she wasn't proud of and what a better choice in offering forgiveness should have been.

Throughout the book, Sara Horn also connected her life's experiences with the Bible.  She gave examples from Joseph and Naomi to Jonah. In each example, we can see a correlation to that experience with things that have happened in our own lives. Sara always has a way of showing her readers they are not alone in valleys of life.  This book, like her others, offers hope and shows how we can make better choices to become the people God wants us to be.

One of the things I like about this book is the mini sections I like to call "Five Ways." In each section, Sara offers some suggestions for working through forgiveness.  Such topics include forgiving yourself, letting go of your anger with God, and asking for forgiveness.  Another thing I like about the book is the discussion questions found in the back. These could be used for small groups or for independent reflection and journaling.

We have all had to deal with the issue of forgiveness in our lives and will continue to do so.  This book is a great tool in helping us deal with the hurts that can cause resentment and regret.  I have already begun to talk to others about things I have read in this book to help them with the healing process that comes through forgiveness. This book is also a good tool for helping us have a stronger relationship with Christ and live more like Him, the ultimate example of offering forgiveness.

I highly recommend this book for those looking to learn more about healing through forgiveness.  Sara Horn's books are always insightful and thought provoking.


*****

I received a free copy of this book as part of Sara Horn's launch team for the purpose of an honest review.  I was not required to write a positive review, only to give my honest opinion of the book.

For more information about Sara Horn and her books, visit www.sarahorn.com.

Missing this space

Seriously, I am.

I am missing being here....writing....sharing....hopefully making a difference.

Life has a way of happening.

Mine happens a lot!

We are smack dab in the middle of soccer.

We are smack dab in the middle of the first quarter of school.

We are living life and loving it.

So, could you forgive me for neglecting this space for the last few weeks?

Forgiveness.....


Do you consider that the "F" word?  Why is it such a difficult word?

I am reading a book right now....

Are you ready????

Sara Horn's new book How Can I Possibly Forgive?

Haven't heard of it?  That's OK, It will be released on October 1.  And can I just say.....It is awesome. I am blessed to be a part of Sara's Launch Team for this amazing book! I can't wait to tell you more about it after I actually finish reading it.

I love Sara's writing.  She's honest, funny, and well, honest.  I appreciate that so much.  When I read her books, it's like having a conversation with a best friend.

And a book on forgiveness.....

Well, isn't that what so many of us need?

For some people, forgiveness is easy.  For others, well, not so much.

Looking at my personal experience with forgiveness, I know of instances when it has been easy to forgive and instances when it hasn't been so easy.  Sometimes it is a pride thing. Sometimes we feel that the act was too unforgivable.  Whatever the reason, it isn't good enough.

I have forgiven family.
I have forgiven friends.
I have forgiven strangers.

Most importantly, I have been forgiven.

When I decided to live my life for Christ, I asked God for forgiveness.  You know that Amazing Grace song?  Well, I'm that wretch it is about.  God saved me and forgave me through amazing grace.  How can I, therefore, deny forgiveness to someone???

Resentment is too hard on the soul.  It isn't worth it.

No, I know life isn't fair. I know we want people to get what they deserve. I see a lot of things on Facebook about Karma.  But payback and heartache are not the answer.  God is our ultimate judge. Let Him deal with it.

I can choose to let go, to forgive the hurt, to move on, and to be free from the burden of a hardened heart, or I can choose to harbor the hurt, to let pride stand in the way, to miss out on the amazing joy that comes from letting go and letting God.

Forgiveness is a God thing.

Unforgiveness is a Satan thing.

Why would we ever let Satan have a stronghold on us like that?

Oh, and I know what you are saying, "But Natasha, you don't know!  You don't have any idea what happened. You don't know my story!"

But I don't have to know your story. I have my own.  And regardless of our stories, I have seen first hand what unforgiveness does to people, to family, to friends.

I know people that have missed out on years of the lives of people they love, all because they chose not to forgive.  They thought it was a punishment to that one person, but unforgiveness affects many people.

Look at it this way.....

I get mad at my brother (Hi, Doug! I'm seriously not mad at you.) because he was careless with our parents' estate.  Now, I don't get my share of the inheritance.  There goes that vacation I wanted. There goes my sons' college funds. There goes.....our relationship. I avoid him. I don't go to family functions because he is going to be there.  I miss out on his children (those innocent bystanders).  I miss out on other family members (more innocent bystanders) because I simply cannot show up somewhere my brother might be.  This goes on for years. A ripple effect of missed opportunities, missed relationships, missed memories.  All because I chose to hold a grudge. I was slighted. I haven't mentioned the fact that I swell up each time his name is mentioned.  The resentment continues when I see those vacation commercials on TV or my kids start talking about college.  Dang it, brother!  It's all your fault.

But forgiving can allow me to move forward. It can help me communicate.  It can help me be aware of people and their intentions. Had I forgiven my brother in this hypothetical example, I could have extended grace to him.  He could have been embarrassed about what had happened and needed my help.  Had I forgiven him, I wouldn't have missed out on sharing life with him and his family.

I think sometimes we feel like if we forgive we are saying to the other person, "It's OK."

I've heard kids say this in the classroom, and it bothers me.  Calling another student "stupid" is not OK.  I realize a child says this because it seems to be the right thing to say.  But we need to have the appropriate response.  We can say, "I forgive you." We can say, "Thank you for the apology." I don't think we should say, "Oh, its OK."

Some people may not realize they have hurt us.  We have the choice to let them know that we were hurt and have forgiven them, or we can just forgive and move on without mentioning it.  I think somethings we definitely need to talk about, but others....just move on.  

Just because I choose to forgive, doesn't make me naive.  I believe that forgiving and moving on doesn't mean that I am going to allow that behavior to happen again.  I may forgive someone for a wrongdoing, but at the same time realize that we do not have a healthy relationship.  I may forgive you for stabbing me in the back, but I am choosing not to keep my relationship with you because I know your heart has not changed and you will probably do it again.  I will continue to pray for you so that you can be the person God intends you to be.

And in all of this....prayer is the key.  Go to God in prayer. Ask him to help you forgive....forgive others....forgive yourself.....seek forgiveness.  Don't deny forgiveness, God didn't deny it when it came to us.

This week, I challenge you to offer grace, the grace found in forgiveness. Can you say this with me....."I forgive you."  Those are life altering words. Try it and see what happens.




Are you interested in Sara's new book?  Find out more information at her webpage.  You can even pre-order an autographed copy.

www.sarahorn.com

Put a Little Love in Your Heart

Recently, our pastor preached a sermon about forgiveness. The question arose, "Is total forgiveness realistic?"

Recently, I watched the movie Amish Grace about the murders of the Amish school girls several years ago. Forgiveness was the theme woven throughout the movie.

Recently, I heard a song on Total Axxess with Wally. It was Tenth Avenue North's new song "Feels like Losing." Again, forgiveness is the point of this song.

Recently, I've felt led to write this post. I don't want to sound naive or mean or out of touch with reality. I haven't lost a loved one to someone else's hands. I don't know how that feels (I don't want to know), but like everyone, I have been hurt or let down by others along the way.

Forgiveness, for some, is such a touchy subject. I think we can think of a million reasons NOT to forgive someone. Mostly, we may say, "That person does not deserve to be forgiven."

So, I ask, "Is that for us to decide?" My answer is, "No."

There are probably people that think we should not be forgiven for things we have done, but again, that is not for them to decide.

God is the ultimate judge of us all. Regardless of the sin, He is the one to judge our actions for all eternity. God chose to send his son for us, to cover the cost of our sins, to forgive us of our sins so that we may not be apart from him.

I think, regardless of what has happened, we have to keep that fact in mind when we choose not to forgive someone.

Yes, forgiveness is a choice. For most, it is not automatic, even in the smallest instances. It is something we have to work toward.

I have seen firsthand what choosing not to forgive can do to people.

What about the child who is stuck in the middle of divorced parents who always want to "one up" the other? One of the parents has so much bitterness for whatever reason (even though that person has unconfessed sin) toward the other person that the parent lies to the child just to hurt the other parent. What is that going to do to this child? What will happen when the child finds out what this parent has been lying about?

What about the families that are angry over money they failed to inherit after a loved one dies, so they avoid other family members? They start missing out on bits and pieces of others lives because they try to avoid others.

When we choose not to forgive, we open our hearts to bitterness and hatred.

One of the Amish women from the movie I watched was upset with her husband for going to the home of the widow of the man who killed the girls. She could not understand how he could offer his forgiveness. His response, "God commands it." She vowed to never forgive and her younger daughter said she hated that man as well. The father asked how that hatred made her feel and she said terrible.

Isn't that the truth, though? When we harbor hatred, we continue to feel terrible. The hatred and bitterness do nothing but destroy us and then "oozes" (for lack of a better word), into the lives of others, eating away at their lives as well.

The lyrics of "Feels like Losing," say it simply enough. "God give me the grace to forgive because I feel like I'm the one losing."

Our first instinct is to NOT FORGIVE, but with God's grace and our choice, forgiveness can be a reality.

Now, I'm not saying you have to go and be best friends with the person. In fact, this person you need to forgive may be dead or not even know that you have been hurt by them. Bro. Copass made it clear that just because you forgive someone doesn't always mean you have to tell them. Sometimes, telling them can open up another can of worms!

What I am saying is that the act of forgiveness can be so beneficial to you and others around your.

Like one of the mothers in the movie, you may have to forgive that person every 10 minutes, but making that choice to forgive is a necessary choice.

If we put a little love in our hearts, hatred and bitterness will have no room to move in.

I ask you to search yourselves. Search for any unconfessed sin you may have and lay it at the foot of the cross and ask for the forgiveness you (and I) do not deserve. Then forgive those who have heart you.

Thankful and Forgiven: Post 101 and Snow Day #8

Here it is, another snow day. Can I say that I am more thankful for today's snow day than yesterdays????

Reason 1: Carson decided to go to sleep last night at Sol Azteca. Slept the "entire" night, except to get up to go to the potty. Needless to say that because he conked out at 5:30, he was ready to go at 4AM! Today would have been our Valentine's Party at school. I don't think I would have been able to function. Even though I had lots planned to do (a test we missed yesterday and getting Caroline's class caught up with mine in science), I believe it would have turned into a movie day, probably Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Yeah, I could connect that to language arts (fiction, character, plot, setting, problem, solution, theme) and science (weather).

Reason 2: My appointment went well yesterday. Love hearing that strong heartbeat and knowing that my baby is growing well. I go back in two weeks and will be going once per week then on. The big day is getting closer and closer. I'm excited to be able to see and hold this sweet baby.

Reason 3: I am blessed to have a such a precious family. I have the most wonderful, caring husband and wonderful, loving children in the world. These guys melt my heart, make me laugh, and fill me with joy.

Reason 4: I am forgiven. Colossians 3:13 says,

Bearing with one another, and forgiving
one another, if anyone has a complaint
against another; even as Christ forgave
you, so you also must do.

You know, when I stop to think about the things that I have done to God and that He has forgiven me, I realize what a wonderful gift that is. Why then should I not forgive those who have hurt me? Lots of things have happened in my life that I could very easily show unforgiveness or bitterness. But what kind of life is that? Holding a grudge does nothing but kill your spirit.

I know people who are sure to bring up someone's wrongs and say, "I will NEVER forgive him." These people are supposed to be Christians. None of us are perfect, so why should we expect others to be?

I thank God each day for the forgiveness He has shown me. I pray that I will always be willing to show forgiveness to others.

Consider this....
What if your child did something that upset you and he asked through his tears, "Mama do you forgive me?" and you replied, "No." What would that do to your child? As parents, we want our children to know that they are loved and there is nothing they could do to change that. As an adult, I want those I know to know that I love them and there is nothing they could do to change that. So, the next time you are wronged, offer forgiveness. You and those you forgive will be sure to receive a blessing.