When Does It Become MY Will Instead of HIS?

Can I get real with you for a minute?

I love this blog.  I love coming here and sharing words. Words are a powerful thing.....there's songs written about them.  You can USE ALL CAPS and BOLD and italics. Those simple things can do so much to your words. Oh, and exclamation marks!!!! Whoa! They can really add some excitement.

I love coming here and sharing what's going on in my life with you.  Whether I am laughing, or struggling, or just being goofy.  This small space has provided me with some great opportunities.  I've met some great "online friends," women I've never met personally, but we definitely have a connection and keep in contact with each other.

But as much as I like this little space, I want more.  And I stop to ask myself, "Is that me talking or God?"

Jeff and I talked a lot about open doors. When you have several doors open and they all seem to be a God Thing, how do you pick?  Which one is the right one? They all serve God and can glorify Him, but you pick one.

I am like that with this blog.  When I logged on to Blogger that first time, I had made a deal with God. This space wasn't to be about me,but about Him.

But now, I want more.  More than ever, I have this desire to write.  To be published.  Somewhere other than here.

Thanks to Wives of Faith and Planting Roots, I have been able to publish blog posts with them.  I also found out that our local Christian radio station has a blog and wants listeners to post there. These opportunities want me to write even more.  I've been told by some people close to me that I should write a book.  My! I would love to do that! Can you say, "Dream come true?"

But then I stop and wonder....Is that what I am supposed to do?  Am I supposed to be a writer? A REAL author of something more than this blog? Everything inside of me says to go for it, but then something else pops up.

When I write and want to continue to write more and be published more, is it becoming more about me and less about God?  

I don't want that. I don't want to become greedy and self centered.  I just want to serve God through my writing.

I guess this thought comes to mind even more during this Spring Fever Giveaway I am hosting. Yes, it's for fun, but at the same time, I am promoting the blog.  I should be promoting Christ.  And I tell myself that I am.  The more followers and readers I have, the more there are to hear about Christ through me.

I think the main thing I need to keep in mind is to be prayerful about the opportunities there are for me.  I need to make sure these opportunities to use words and share life are God honoring.  That's my goal: to bring honor and glory to God.  If I fail to do that, then these words do not matter.

I'll Go

There is a song we sing at church.....

Wherever He leads I'll go, Wherever He leads I'll go,

I'll follow my Christ who loves me so, Wherever He leads I'll go

and lately I have been praying about where He is leading.

We are very unhappy in our neighborhood right now.  There are a lot of things going on that simply aren't being taken care of the way they should.  Colin gets too scared to sleep in his room sometimes.   I hate it. Children should never be scared in their own home.

I also know how my husband feels about activie duty.  Last week, he actually got a couple of phone calls about his eligibility.  We've talked about it, but that is as far as it goes.  Right now he is not eligible, but the questions from higher up keep coming. The possibilities are exciting.

So, I've been praying.

I am praying that God will take care of this "where" situation: Where are we to go?  Do we stay in our neighborhood and deal with it? Do we move to another neighborhood?  Do we go active duty if it becomes possible? 

Last Friday, we looked at house. The agents are very close friends from church and we were honest about our situation: we are not able to buy now, just looking and trying to figure out what God wants us to do. Two days later we were told a trade may be possible.  That possibility excites me. And the kids!

So, I am still praying.  I have no idea where He is leading.  Right now, our neighborhood is quiet. No drama, but still not home like it should be.  Army paperwork is still in the works to move from Chaplain Candidate to Chaplain.  God is leading us, but His plan has not yet been revealed.  We will pray, listen, and be open to what lies ahead. Wherever He leads, we will go....or stay.

Caution: God at Work

I am so thankful that we were able to spend Father's Day with Jeffrey this year.  Last year, if you'll remember, he was away at CHBOLC.  We missed him terribly, but all in all, things are working out according to God's plan.

God is working.

You see, back in 2004, we surrenderred our lives to Jesus.  Since then, we have been living for Him.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine that I would be a military wife.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine I would be teaching Sunday School to adults and children each Sunday, being a leader in my church. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine that my husband would be a preacher.

That's what happens when you turn your life over to God. 

Our dreams are good.  We have plans for our future, things we want to do and accomplish.

But my, oh my!  God's plans are so wonderful.  His plans are far beyond our wildest dreams. And so much better!

Our lives are far from perfect.  But we don't worry about perfection.  We seek guidance from God.  We seek knowledge and wisdom to be able to lead the lives He has planned for us. 

God is at work in our lives.  Our lives are not about us. Our lives are about Him.

Recently, our pastor preached on seeking God's vision and asked us to sincerely do just that.  And as I did just that, I got butterflies!  It was like God was telling me, "Really?  Be careful what you pray for because you just might get it!"  Its wild I tell ya! Doing God's work!  Is there anything better? 

There is so much that is unknown in living for Him.  What does He really expect?  Where will He lead?  How will He provide?  Am I really in His will? God's rewards are amazing.  He doesn't make us millionaires, but He does make us rich.  We know Him intimately; we are given grace and mercy. He is just and compassionate. God is loving and forgiving. He provides in ways we can't fathom.

I am so thankful to be His.

I am thankful to have a husband whose heart's desire is to be a man of God.

In Their Shoes

We've all been there....

Someone we know and love is going through something, and we tell them what they should do.
Doing this though causes conflict. We become frustrated and that person becomes frustrated. Why doesn't he/she just do what we say?

Well, because we aren't in their shoes.

It is so easy to stand there and tell people what they should do, think, or how they should act. What isn't easy is to just stop and listen. A lot of times that is all we need to do (openly) to help someone. When I say openly, that's what they should see us do. We should be caring and compassionate with whatever they are going through. The best way to do that is to listen.

What then? How is listening and not telling them what to do going to help?

We should pray. We should pray for God's guidance for both us and that person. We should pray for His will to be done in that situation. We should pray for that person's salvation. Then hand it all over to God and let him work.

It breaks my heart to see my loved ones hurting. However, I don't want to make them hurt worse by my words or actions. All I can do is show my loved ones I love them. I may not agree with what they say and do, but I love them.

After all, I am not in their shoes.

One of the most difficult things that I have had to do in my prayer life is to ask God for His will to be done even if it is to take that person from me.

I remember when my grandfather was sick with cancer again. Selfishly, I wanted Pa here. I wanted to be able to see him. I wanted that Popeye kiss and those whiskers rubbed against my hand. Even more though, I didn't want him to suffer. He was so weak and feeble, nothing but skin and bones. He was my Pa Tootsie and I was his baby girl. Oh, how it broke my heart to see him in pain. When he died, I was mourned, but yet found comfort in the fact that he knew Jesus. That gave me peace. I still miss him. I still go to the cemetery. But I know that I will see him once again.

My only two living grandparents are my grandmothers. They are both not well. Granny Uhls has always been independent (as long as I can remember). She worked hard. She cared for her gardens and family. After Pa Uhls died, she moved to Florida. I was happy for her because this was one of her most favorite places. Yes, I missed her, but the weather and climate were good for her health. Since moving back, she has had nothing but health problems. When she has her "spells," I know it kills her daughters to sit by and watch. She won't let them call for help. She will just sit there until the pain is gone. To me, I ask, "What kind of life is that, waiting for the "big one" to just take you?" But then again, I am not in her shoes. I don't know what it is like to be older and not capable of doing all the things I've always done. I don't know what it is like to live without the love of my life.

My other grandmother has always seemed weak. Well, in my eyes anyway. I barely remember her being able to do things well on her own. I remember her falling, breaking her hip and since then always having trouble getting around. For years, her and Pa Tootsie sat there in that smoky living room together, her saying, "Well, Tootsie," and him fussing back, "Damn it Reece." They were always together. She took care of him and he took care of her. Then in 2006, God called for him. Granny has been alone in that house ever since. Now, to us, it seems as she has given up. She stays sick, she won't eat. Last week, she was put in a nursing home. How it breaks my heart that she is ready for God to call for her. But then again, I am not in her shoes. I don't know what it is like to have my children all grown up and with lives of their own. I don't know what it is like to have spent so many years of my life alone with my true love and then have him go Home to then be left alone.

I don't know what it is like......
I'm not in their shoes.

Selfishly, I do want my grandmothers here when Carter arrives in March. Selfishly, I want them to see my boys grow up and become strong Christian men.

Selfishly....I think I have distanced myself from my grandmothers since they have been sick. Do I risk taking my boys to see their great grandmother, risking the chance of her falling out in the floor with a heart attack? Do I risk taking them to visit with their other great grandmother to then have to give breathing treatments and Benadryl to stop the allergies and coughing brought on by the cigarette smoke and their weak respiratory systems?

Selfishly, we do things.
Selfishly, we say things.
Selfishly, we hurt others.

Selfishly, we pretend to put ourselves in their shoes to try to make them do what we want....for us. But what is best for them? God only knows. That is why we have to pray for His will to be done, not ours, but His. That is why we have to pray for discernment in these situations. We have to pray for the ability to bite our tongues and just love those people regardless of what our will is.

After all,
We are not in their shoes.

How is Your Prayer Life

A few days ago, I had the chance to sit down with my cousin and talk. Something we never get to do. I was humbled that she felt she could talk to me about a burden she was carrying. She was struggling with her prayer life and just felt like maybe she was going about it all wrong.

I think to a point, we all struggle with our prayer life. One of my struggles? I feel at times I don't pray enough. The Bible says to pray without ceasing. We can all find excuses on why we don't pray as often as we should. We are busy with jobs, housework, children, church, and other extra activities. But honestly, while we are busy with all of these things, we can still pray.

Pray
before getting out of bed
in the shower
while brushing your teeth
driving to work
on your break
at lunch
while waiting on your doctor
when working out
driving home
while watching your kids at practice
while preparing dinner
when going to bed

Imagine if
we all put our cell phones away while driving
we spent less time online
we spent less time watching TV
turned the radio off while doing chores
and spent that time in prayer. I think the outcome would be amazing!

Prayers don't have to be extravagant. My cousin and I talked about humbling ourselves in prayer and what that really means. Do we have to always kneel? Do we always have to hold our hands a certain way? Do we have to use big words? I don't think so.

I think that to humble ourselves in prayer means
to acknowledge who God is
to thank Him for who He is and what He has done
to ask for his guidance by admitting we can't face life alone
to admit our sin and shortcomings
to ask that His will be done, not ours
to be honest with Him

My prayers are not always the same. Some are more formal than others. It depends on the main purpose of the prayer. My prayer for someone who is going through a difficult time is going to be different than the blessing for my meal. The prayer of thanksgiving for a good doctor's appointment is different than the prayer after I'm not proud of myself for my behavior or when I'm at my wits end and don't have the words to express what I'm feeling. Sometimes I talk to God has my father. Sometimes I talk to Him as my friend.

I think sometimes people do get frustrated with praying because they feel like their prayers are not being answered. This is when we have to step back and think (honestly) about what we are praying for. We are to pray for what is in God's will, not ours. If we continuously ask Him for things that are not part of His plan, we will be disappointed. God has 3 answers to our prayers: Yes, No, and Later. If we stop and think about the things we have prayed for and not gotten, we may see that those prayers were answered differently for our benefit.

In his book, Hope for Each Day, Billy Graham writes "Prayer isn't just asking God for something we want. Prayer should also include confession of sin and praise to God for who He is and what He has done for us. But prayer should also have an additional element, and that is thanksgiving. It is easy to be thankful when God blesses us with something good. But the Bible says that we should "give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for us in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessolonians 5:18). Thankfulness drives away a sour or prideful spirit."

It would be good for us all to remember this and to reflect upon the purpose of our prayers.


Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. Colossians 4:2

Say a Little Prayer

My family would appreciate your prayers during the next few days. Jeffrey has worked so hard to get to this point with pursuing his master's through Liberty University and pursuing God's will for his life. This week is critical to us in this endeavor. Please pray that we have patience and understanding and that God's will would be done this week, that we will be able to accept whatever the outcome may be.

Daily Chores

I received this as my email devotion today. I've gotten it through email before and love it. Hope you do too.



As King David said, Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me frommy sin. ( Psalms 51:2 *NKJV )



Monday

Wash Day

Lord, help me wash away all my selfishness and vanity, so I may serve you with perfect humility through the week ahead.



Tuesday

Ironing Day

Dear Lord, help me iron out all the wrinkles of prejudice I have collected through the years so that I may see the beauty in others.



Wednesday

Mending Day

O God, help me mend my ways so I will not set a bad example for others.



Thursday

Cleaning Day

Lord Jesus, help me to dust out all the many faults I have been hiding in the secret corners of my heart.



Friday

Shopping Day

O God, give me the grace to shop wisely so I may purchase eternal happiness for myself and all others in need of love.



Saturday

Cooking Day

Help me, my Savior, to brew a big kettle of brotherly love and serve it with clean, sweet bread of human kindness.



Sunday

The Lord's Day

O God, I have prepared my house for you. Please come into my heart so I may spend the day and the rest of my life in your presence.

I Want to Go With You

Kids are funny. If they don't have to ride the school bus, they want to. If they do have to ride the bus, they don't want to. Jeffrey takes Colin to school almost every morning. Sometimes, though, Colin wants to ride with me so he can ride the bus from LES to his school. To do this takes some planning. We discuss the night before the importance of going to bed at a reasonable time and getting up when told to the next morning. Needless to say, this little talk rarely gets us anywhere. I think we have made it twice. This morning, Colin would not get up. I started trying to get him up 25 minutes before I had to leave. Nothing. He finally decided to get up when I was getting Carson out of bed. Here's what happened:

ME hugging Colin: Bye, Colin. Have a good day. I love you.

COLIN: Bye, Mama. I love you too.

Less than 1 minute later, I hear sobbing and turn to see Colin red faced and crying.

ME, afraid he was sick: What's wrong, honey?

COLIN, still in pj's and arms stretched out: I want to go with you.

Sternly, ME: Now, Colin. You knew you had to get up a long time ago. I have to leave and I still have to finish getting your brother ready.

COLIN, still crying: But I want to go with you.

ME: Colin, its too late. I have to be at work in 15 minutes. The bus is already gone.

Colin: BUT I WANT TO GO WITH YOU! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!

Me, feeling bad for him: Honey, I want you to go too, but it is too late. I can't do anything about it now.

This continued on even to the point he followed me to the door, still crying. After placing Carson, who is still sleeping through all of this, in the car, I hugged Colin bye, told him I love him, and shut the door between us.

This may seem totally insignificant to you at this point, but as I drove across town, I thought, "How many times does this happen?" Really. "How many times has someone cried out to their Father, 'God, I want to go with You. Don't leave me here?'"

How sad.

I felt bad for Colin. I knew how he liked to walk in to Carson's daycare and get loved on by his old teachers. I knew how he enjoyed catching the bus and riding back across town. I felt bad for him. I wanted to take him. I didn't want to leave him behind. But it was too late.

What about God?

Unfortunately, He has to say, "I"m sorry. It is too late. I can't take you. I must leave you here," and then shut the door.

Matthew 7:21-23 says, "Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me, 'Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?' And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!'"

There will be a time that it is too late. There will be a time when God must shut the door and someone will say, "Wait! I want to come with you!" There will be a time when God, will have to say, "I never knew you; depart from Me," to someone.

How sad.

We don't know how much time we have to prepare, to live out God's will. If we don't listen to that first wake up call, it may be the last one. We need to live each moment of our lives for Him. Preparing to be called.

If you are not prepared for that call, then right now, do something about it. Pray to Your Heavenly Father. Cry out to Him. Don't wait until it is too late. Don't wait for Him to say He never knew you, having Him close the door between you forever.

For those of us that are ready for His call, it is our responsibility as children of God, to help others know Him. We can't make them know Him, but we can show them who He is and what He can do. We can be a light shining on the path to God.

From a Nobody to Somebody

Endings are so bittersweet.....

Yesterday was our final meeting for the study of Esther. Can you believe it??!!?? We have journeyed with God for nine weeks and it seems like only yesterday we began.

I am very appreciative and humbled at the fact that 7 busy women dedicated 9 weeks to study the Bible with me.....a simple, goofy nobody.

Let me tell you what God did with this simple, goofy, nobody.

He gave me strength. He gave me encouragement. He gave me wisdom. He gave me love.

Like Esther, I have often thought that I could do nothing. But I've come to realize that I am where I am for such a time as this. I never thought that I could lead a Bible study. I've never really felt like a leader. But with God's wisdom and strength, I was able to do this. Through my rambling, I tried to relay what He was telling me. On the days where I was tired, worn out, and unmotivated, God gave me the comforting words of Beth Moore and these women to encourage me to keep on moving. His mighty word touched my heart each and every way possible. I felt His amazing love through His word and the fellowship of these women.

God chose me.
He chose me to be the wife of Jeffrey.
He chose me to be the mother of Colin and Carson.
He chose me to be the teacher of the students in my room.
He chose me to be the leader of this study.
He chose me to be me.... a simple, goofy, Daughter of the King....an Esther.

Eternal
Sister
Through
His
Everlasting
Reign

God chose me.

You know, He chose you too. He chose you to be His. He chose you and has a wonderful plan for your life. God doesn't promise you that it will be easy. He doesn't promise you sunny skies along the way, but God does promise you that He will be with you along the way.

As I finished this study, I was reminded over and over again that God is in control. If I make a mess of myself and my situation, He can fix it. I just have to allow Him. I have to trust Him. I have to surrender all. I have to believe.

I believe in the sun, even when it is not shining.
I believe in love, even when I do not feel it.
I believe in God, even when He is silent.
(Author Unknown)

I believe I am not a nobody. I am somebody to someone because of what God has planned for me.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13

Welcome

Ok, thanks to my friend Kim, I have become quite addicted to reading blogs. So, for the last few months, I've been going back and forth about starting my own. What would I say? Who would read it? Do I have time? Well, a few nights ago, God told me I wasn't going to start a blog if I didn't spend more time with Him. I agreed. After all, He is most important.

So, I decided to start a study group. My mother-in-law got me Esther: Its Tough Being a Woman by Beth Moore for Christmas. With my kids being sick and me going back to work, I hadn't found time to get started on it. Let me add that I was totally intimidated by the book. I thumbed through it several times and just felt overwhelmed. The other day, I called my BFF Hilarie and asked her if she would like to do the study with me. She agreed and our group of two has grown to six.

I decided to go ahead and start my blog to go along with the study. I will share with you how God speaks to me through this study and through our group gatherings. Please PRAY for us as we journey through this. I am excited about spending time with these special ladies.


On another note.....
This morning, I woke up to lots of ICE. It was beautiful! The first thing I saw was a tree branch falling across the street. I thought of how God works to mold us. Our lives are so busy. I should know....a mother of two, a wife, a teacher, a soccer mom (who thanks to my husband was voted to be the 4yr old soccer commissioner), a Relay for Life team captain and committee member, writing cluster leader (ultimately responsible for all those 4th grade writing portfolios - YUCK)....and my list goes on. I'm as guilty as anyone when it comes to stopping and LISTENING to God. Yes, I talk to him, but LISTENING is not my best strong suit. I'm getting better. Anyway, because we are so busy, we don't listen to God. We don't allow Him to mold us into what HE wants us to become. Sometimes we must be "frozen" like those trees and have Him break off our weak branches. We need to slow down and let Him work. (oh, another branch just fell)

Now, why the title A Life Worth Living? I honestly love my life. NO! It is not perfect, but it is mine and God has definitely blessed me. Throughout my entries, I'll tell you about some of those many blessings. God chose me. He has a plan for me, for my husband, and my children. He put us together for a reason. Everything I am, everything I have is because of HIM. My life is a wonderful life.

I pray that as I use this blog, that God may break off my weak branches to make me stronger in Him. I pray that my words would inspire each of you to allow God to do wonders in your lives.