Riding in the Car with Boys

This week, I've had the opportunity to take my boys to school each morning.  Normally, I have one child with me, and Jeff takes the other two.  The drop off and pick up lines are not in my daily schedule.

I have thoroughly enjoyed my extra time in the car with the boys.  We've laughed and carried on.  We've discussed my sensitivity to the bass in TobyMac's music.  My boys have sang along with said TobyMac music.  We've talked about the day ahead and wished one another a great day at school. We've even improvised to make sunglasses for the blazing morning sun!

As I've enjoyed my time with the boys, my heart has cringed at what I've seen going on in other vehicles.  I've seen parents engrossed in their cell phones, either taking calls, checking Facebook, or playing games.  I've seen children with headphones on.  I've seen little to no interaction in many of these vehicles.

And as a teacher mama, I say this.... Parents, cherish these extra minutes with your children.  Take time to talk to them about their day.  Take time to laugh.  Pray with them.  Make these last few minutes enjoyable so your children get out of that car knowing they are cherished by you, that you'll miss them, that you wish them a fabulous day, and you can't wait to see them after school.

Our babies grow way to fast.  Society pushes and pulls at them.  They are involved in many extra curricular activities.  Our time with our children dwindles each day.  We need to make the most of each moment, even that extra 10 minutes in the car.

My challenge to you is this.....next week while you are chauffeuring your littles to and from school, put the cell phone away. Have your kids take the headphones off. Then talk. Sing. Pray. Be silly.  Spend time with your children.  I promise that you won't be sorry you did.

Outside the Box

Tonight, this mama's heart is full.

Our church has an amazing children's ministry called Camp Creative.  During this two day camp, children learn Bible stories and take part in creative ways to praise and worship God.  Activities this year included storytelling, art, hands and feet (blacklight mime/signing and interpretive dance), woodworking, puppetry, Legos, and cake decorating.

As a mom of three very different boys, I am so appreciative of this ministry.  I have two sons that are eager to take part in most activities our children do at church.  My middle child is sometimes a little reluctant and has been known to stand on stage during performances....just standing there.

But this ministry.....it excites him.  Sunday night he was ready for bed because he knew Camp Creative would come bright and early Monday morning. When we got home from day 1, he talked about his favorite activities of the day. And I'll be honest, I cried when I saw him participate in the blacklight mime/signing practice session.  Today, he has talked nonstop.  He's repeatedly told me his favorite parts of his classes and the four parts he has in the blacklight show.

Ya'll, this is it.

The Bible says Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

This camp shows kids there isn't a single right way to praise and worship God. We teach them about the One True God, about Jesus Christ our Savior.  But we show them ways to serve, honor, and glorify Him that don't fit in a box. These children are learning and worshipping and praising and serving in so many ways.  And they are excited.  They are excited about Jesus.

And this mama's heart is happy, it's full. I'm an emotional wreck because my quiet kid, my kid that is rarely excited about anything is excited.

I am thankful for our church that supports ministries like this.  I'm thankful for those that organize and teach and herd children around. I'm thankful. Tomorrow night as the children take part in their "Praisentation," I'll be praising God for this amazing ministry and how it affects my children.

Bringing Out the Mama Cheetah

I decided today that it’s a good thing I’m not a mama cheetah.

We were watching a video today in class, and the narrator told how cheetah cubs learn through play. The cubs were seen pouncing and rolling and nipping at one another.

This mama wanted to say, “Boys! Stop that!” I was really nervous for those cheetah cubs, afraid they would play a little too rough and one might get hurt.

Yes, I’m serious. Don’t laugh.

I pictured my boys playing and learning, and being, well, boys.

And yes, they make me nervous.

I know they are going to play rough. They are going to wrestle and punch and kick. And they will get hurt.

As their mama, I want to protect them.  I want to have padded walls and floors and full body armor and helmets.  I don’t want them to get hurt.  But all that might seem a bit psychotic, so I won’t go there.

Seriously though….

I’m the mom of three boys.  I do want to protect them.  I want to keep them from making mistakes.  I want to keep their paths straight and painless.

But I know I can’t, and I know even if I could, then it still wouldn’t be right.

It’s difficult to admit this, but our kids need to get hurt. They need to experience disappointment and loss and heartache.  As much as I want their lives to be perfect and carefree, I know deep in my heart that my children would never learn from that. The world is an imperfect place because it is full of imperfect people.

Doesn’t our learning and growth and wisdom come from trials? 

If we never experience despair of some sort, we will never really know how wonderful life is.

I look at my 13-year-old.  I think about what lies ahead for him.  There is so much I want to protect him from, so many experiences I don’t want him to have, but if I shelter him and protect him too much, how will he ever learn?

I think we can shelter our children too much, and I think we can be too lax.  They are children.  We shouldn’t allow them to be adults too soon.  One of these days, my boys will be out on their own. They will have their own lives (and it won’t be in my basement when they are 40 years old).

 Part of living is knowing how to deal with trials and hurts and loss.  Part of my job as their mother is to teach them how to handle those experiences.  I need to teach them perseverance, compassion, forgiveness.  They need to see me demonstrate those qualities in my life. They need to see how their father and I handle stress, anger, and disappointment.  They need to witness us showing love and kindness to our enemies.  I need to teach them about Christ and His love for them.  They need to see Christ in my life.

I can’t protect my children from everything, but I can teach them how to respond to their imperfect world. And when I do that, and God willing they live Christian lives, they will make this world a better place.

So, maybe I need to be a little more like a mama cheetah, letting my boys explore a little more, but yet, grasping their napes when danger is involved.  I can do that, can’t I?  

Five Minute Friday: Quiet

Guys, be quiet!

Will you be quiet for a minute?

If ya'll would be quiet, you could hear what I was saying.


Do you know how many times this teacher mama asks little ones to be quiet each day? Well, me neither, but I know it's a lot.

Sometimes all we gals need is a little peace and quiet. Time to relax. Time to speak.  Just no noise, silence, to do or say what needs to be done or said.

It feels like noise is never-ending.

As a mama, I try to get my boys to stop yelling.  I try to get them quiet while I'm on the phone - well, because you know our kids don't want to talk to us until someone calls us.

Quiet please! For just 5 minutes.


But one of these days, that quiet will come for every mama.

For whatever reason.....

The heartbreaking loss of a child or the inevitable growing up of a child.

The house will be come quiet.

Too quiet.

Too soon.



We will ache.

We will ache for those arguments.

We will ache for that laughter, those unstoppable giggles.

We will ache for that call in the middle of the night, "Mama, come lay down with me."



When my middle son was just a wee bit younger, he had this VERY high pitched voice.  It was loud and squeaky, and well, loud.

I remember telling him many times, "SHHHHH! Be a little quieter."

Then we got the book Holler Loudly.

My five minutes is up, but let me finish.

We got the book Holler Loudly through Dolly Parton's Imagination Library.  We read the book and this mama cried.

You see. Holler was born loud.  That's just who he was.  His parents, his teachers, and everyone in town was annoyed by his loudness and just wanted him to be quiet. It broke his spirit, but one day, Holler saved his town by being heard.

And it was in that moment that I realized that this loud, squeaky, high pitched voice was who Carson was and that one day too soon, that voice will be gone.  And it is changing.  He's a few years older, but that voice isn't the same.

And this mama misses it.

I miss how Colin used to say geen instead of green and sampoo instead of shampoo and Meeus Leaaazzzleeee.

I miss how Carson used to say aaaand as loudly and high pitched as he could get and how everything else included "well, actually."

And Carter, our youngest,  I already miss "I wuv you, Mama" and "Wook what I can do" and "Tootie too."

And just last night during our devotion about peace and trust and worry, he said this, "Mama, I have worries."

What??? He's five! What does he have to worry about?????

And he's worried about speech. That when he goes to see Mrs. Nisha to work on his sounds that he will mess up.

Oh, baby its ok.  Your speech is one of the things that makes you special and one day those sounds and your incorrect usage of her and she will be gone and Mama is going to miss it.

The laughter from, "Who farted?"

Their noise

The anger of "You're a liar! You said you would play with me."

Their voices

The singing of God's Not Dead, Kick the Dust Up, and Whose Gonna Fill Their Shoes from the backseat

The bedtime prayers that start like dinnertime blessings

I love you, Mama fifty gazillion times a day


I'm gonna miss it because one day it will be too quiet too soon.

Thank you for hanging in there with me on this week's FMF post.  The timer went off, but I couldn't stop.  Don't forget to head over to Kate's place to read some other thoughts on the prompt Quiet.

Five Minute Friday: Follow

There's these little people that follow me everywhere I go.  I can't go to the bathroom without company.  I can't run to the store without a little shopper with me throwing in everything he thinks we need.  I can't sleep through the night without someone crawling under the covers with me.

But I wouldn't have it any other way.....these little guys....I'm their biggest fan.  They are my sunshine.

Yet, I know that they watch me. They learn from me.  They follow me.

I have to ask myself, "Am I leading them in the right direction? Am I leading to where I really want them to follow?"

That's a major self check on my part.

I don't want to be the parent that says, "Do as I say, not as I do."  After all, actions do speak louder than words.  I want to live a life that I would be proud of my children to follow.  I want them to follow me to Christ.

During our Mother's Day service last week, our pastor talked about being proud of your children when they do something great...a home run, a good grade,  a trophy.  All of those things are great, but the greatest achievement....to have a child that has decided to follow Christ.

That is my ultimate goal, not that my children would follow me, but that they would follow Jesus.  He can lead them to greater places than I could ever imagine.

Thank you for joining me here for this edition of Five Minute Friday.  I can't wait to hear from you.  Don't forget to join in with your own post at katemotaung.com.  See you there!

How Our Children Became Military Children

April is the Month of the Military Child.  The life of a military child is unlike that of any other.  Some are born into military families and others "join" with their families.  To celebrate my own military children, I'd love to share with you how they entered into this journey.

When Jeff and I first got married, not once did it cross my mind that we would become a military family.

As adults, we make choices for our futures and our families.  Jeff and I don't make any decisions without considering the effects they will have on our children.

Needless to say, making the choice to become a military family was one that took lots of thought and prayer.

When the decision was made, our oldest boys were 3 and 6 years old and our youngest was still in the womb.  He was the only one that was born into the military family.

We are not an active duty military family.  Therefore, some people may consider us to be "not really a military family."  We don't live on a military post, but live in the same house we've lived in since my oldest son was born almost 13 years ago.  We have not been relocated, but we have experienced much of what the military has to "offer."

When my husband decided to enlist in the Army Reserves, he was to become a Chaplain.  To do this, he had to attend seminary and take about 96 hours of masters classes.  He attended CH-BOLC which is basically basic training for Chaplains.  He was gone from June to September of 2010. My youngest son was just 3 months old when he left. During that time, we saw him during the Fourth of July holiday and then reunited at his graduation.  Still, he continued to take his masters classes.  Finally, after what seemed like forever, my husband received his masters in divinity and was officially a chaplain.  He attended his annual trainings and monthly battle assemblies/drills.  Then deployment. We were fortunate enough to have a short deployment, 6 months.  In that time, my boys did extremely well.  It was great that we were able to Skype with their daddy and talk with him on the phone as much as we did.  We had our routines. They had school and church and sports.  Time passed as quickly as it could when a family goes through deployment.  My husband was home just in time for summer vacation.  We were able to travel and just enjoy being a family again.

I do look at all of the challenges the military has brought to our family and how it has affected our children.  I say they have handled things well. My oldest son loves all things military and even speaks of joining when he is older. My middle child doesn't say much about it at all.  He is not one to express his feelings much and internalizes things.  This worries me because I am a feelings type of person.....just let it all out and express yourself.  My youngest is a bit different in the fact that this is all he knows.  He is definitely a Mama's Boy and I wonder if it's because he is the baby or because his daddy has spent a lot of time away during his 5 years.

Regardless of what we've been through, my children are proud of their daddy and his service.  They have a strong since of patriotism and honor.  They support their daddy and what he strives to do with his service in the military.  Please join me this month as we honor all military children.  They serve and sacrifice along their service member.

Shh! Don't Tell the Kids

Walking through the grocery store, you spy your favorite treat.  Whether it is Entenmann's Chocolote Donuts, Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies, or Cherry RC, you wonder if it is worth the purchase.  After all, those little humans - your children - are sure to get the first and last bite (and all those in between).  But you take a chance.

You make the purchase and quickly put the groceries away when you get home.  You think you've done a great job of stashing away your guilty pleasure. You are sure Sherlock and Holmes couldn't even find it.

But those tiny detectives found it.  You don't know how, unless they have the keen sense of a wild animal, maybe like how a shark can sense a minuscule amount of blood in a sea of water. Whatever, they found it. Now it's all over.  You'll never get a bite!

Days later, you are cleaning up the kitchen and you notice an empty box on the counter. Before you toss it out, you feel a slight weight.....could it be?????? You dare to show any excitement at the possibility.....Yes!!!! Score!!!!! One more!!!!!

But Shhhhh!

Don't tell the kids.

There is no time to spare.

Quickly, quietly

you unwrap your treasure

and take that first bite.


Mmmmm!

Delicious!

But wait.

Were those tiny footsteps you heard??

Probably not. Spongebob is on.

Just to be safe though, you nonchalantly stare out the window, back turned to anyone who may enter the room, and secretly devour your treasure.

Shhh! Don't tell the kids!

You know I'm not the only one.  What is your favorite treat that you hide from your kids?  How does hiding work out for you?

So much to do, so little time

 

One of my greatest treasures is being a mom.  How painful! How heart-wrenching! How wonderful!  I love my life as a mom.  It is the hardest job ever. There are days I wonder how these children can possibly be mine; they are simply to stubborn for words. They fight and kick and scream and tattle and instigate.  Boys will be boys I guess.  Some days I feel like I am at my wits end because they will not listen, they expect toys and dirty clothes and trash and shoes and food to be cleaned up themselves, or mom the maid will do it!

Then there are days (many times found in those crazy days) that I wonder how I deserved to be so blessed with these children.  My children.

There are the hugs I get every morning.  Sometimes it is that "hold me close" hug that just wants to cuddle. Sometimes its that quick "head on hip, pat on back, outta my way" hug.  Regardless, it is a hug from a precious child that is glad to see his mama first thing in the morning.

There are those kisses. Sweet boy (sometimes sweaty, stinky, and sticky) kisses.  Colin on the cheek. Carson on the cheek (the kids has kissed me 10 times in his whole life - no joke). Carter full blown on the lips, sometimes on the eye, cheek, nose or wherever he has the desire to plant one.  But kisses from my boys.

There are those shrills of laughter, giggles galore, one of the greatest sounds in the world.  Laughter brought on by Spongebob and America's Funniest Home Videos, Minecraft shenanigans, and the stinky toots from across the room.

There are the silly jokes, "Hey, Buddy! You wanna race?"  that make no sense at all, but just the way it sounds cracks you up.  There are the holy moments of saying grace at meal time only to have your toddler sing it like he is straight up Full Gospel. Not sure where he got that. Us Southern Baptist just don't do that sort of thing!

There is the catch phrase of a child that lasts years. The memories made while on vacation and the park or at Chuck E. Cheese's.

There are the tears and the boogers and the blood and the vomit and the poop and the "only mama will do moments."

There is the cuddling, the sharing of the last cupcake, the hand holding, the bath time messes, the tickling, the praying, the singing in the car, the five more minutes at bedtime to spend with a child.

There is so much to do with these little people that God has given me.  There is little time to do it. There is no time to waste.

Instead of wasting my day working on laundry piles that will NEVER go away, I am going to build memories. I am going to create memories that me and my children will hold on to for years to come.

Five Minute Friday: Small - Let Them Be Little

It is time for a little Five Minute Friday on Saturday.  This week's word....small.  Here you go!

We don’t want small. We want big. The bigger the better. Right?

What about our kids? 

I remember when our first son was born, my husband made the comment, “I can’t wait until he starts walking.”  Boy, did he ever eat those words. 

We rush our kids into activities.  We busy their lives and push them.  I once heard a conversation about some parents telling their pee wee baseball child that if he didn’t get his act together, he would never get a baseball scholarship.

Grow up kids.

That’s what we tell them. Maybe not in those words, but in other ways.

But we need to let them be little. 

We need to let them stay small.  Growing up comes too fast these days for many children. They aren’t allowed to be children. They don’t know what it is to play, to pretend, to be a kid. 

Children have so many things adding pressure and anxiety to their lives.  We owe it to them as their parents to let them be little. We should take this small amount of time we have with them and let them live as children, not miniature versions of ourselves or what we wish we were.

let them be little from Natasha Grimes on Vimeo.

Five Minute Friday Confession: I have been working on this post since last night.  After I wrote for five minutes, I was inspired to create the video. Well, it wouldn't download. I tried and retried, deleted and recreated.  Whew!  It became a quest, but was a great trip down memory lane!  The boys were so funny watching it.

Book Review: Upside-Down Prayers for Parents

Parents want their children to live godly lives. They want their children to be happy and to make a difference in the world.   They can't do it alone.  As parents, we need to pray for our children. 

In her book, Upside-Down Prayers for Parents, Lisa T. Bergren offers 31 devotions that parents can use to lift up their children to God.

Each day is consistent in its format with the previous day.  It begins with an "I pray...." statement and related scripture.   The next part of each day is a short personal story that relates to the topic and then a specific prayer.  The daily devotions end with a section called Making it Personal where parents can gain or reflect on their personal experience and then a Making it Relevant section which helps children relate to an experience as well.  There are questions for both older children and younger children.

I like the fact that the devotions are short and consistent.  I also like that there is both a place where the parent and children can become active in the devotion and reflect.  The blank writing space is also convenient.  I think this would be an excellent devotion for parents who have a desire to pray for their children and help them to strengthen their children's relationship with God and to help the parent be more intentional on praying for their children.

I received a free copy of this book from WaterBrook Press for the purpose of an honest review as part of their blogger book review program. 

Children and Deployment

January 15, 2013

One of the biggest things I have worried about with this deployment is how it will affect my children.

Will they fail in school?

Will they withdraw from activities?

Will they resent their daddy for serving God and country?

Will the baby remember his daddy?

Will I be the parent I need to be for them?

Will they worry and be scared?

The list goes on.  If you know me, you know how much I love my children, and my biggest fear is that I will screw up big time with them. 

I have to say that two months into this deployment, they are doing well.

Colin is an emotional child. He wears is heart on his sleeve.  He had an extremely hard time at first. So bad, in fact, that he was almost depressed.  We had to have several talks about how it is ok to miss Daddy and be sad, but we can't mope around and let it affect our activities. I explained to him how awful he would feel if he continued with that attitude and how his daddy would feel knowing he was so miserable. I let Colin know to talk to someone, anyone, when he became sad or upset.  He has such a large support system between family, church family, and school.  Our assistant principal has been so good to him through this whole thing and has offered to talk with him anytime.  Colin got out of his funk.  He will let me know when he misses his daddy, and we will talk about it and pray about it. He tried spending the night with a friend one night and called home homesick.  I felt so bad for him.  That is so unlike him.  I was proud of him for being open about his feelings though. 

Carson is SO different than Colin. He does NOT talk about his feelings whatsoever.  I have to watch him carefully.  When Colin was away at Space Camp he became depressed and basically didn't want to do anything but sit at home.  He is a homebody by nature (like his mama), so I have to encourage him to do things. He is involved in scouts, but was sick the last few meetings.  When he misbehaves, I try to remember that he expresses his feelings through his actions.  I have to ask him occasionally how he feels, what's on his mind, things like that. Otherwise he wouldn't talk about it. 

Carter on the other hand is buck wild. Always. He really doesn't know what is going on.  He loves looking at pictures that Jeff sends. He knows the sound of Skype starting on the computer and recognizes the noise from Jeff calling on Skype. He also knows what text messages sound like coming in.  When he hears those noises, Carter immediately wants to know if that is Daddy or he will tell me it is Daddy. 

The kids (and me) love Skype.  Colin likes to take over the laptop.  Carter likes to show off. Carson likes just knowing his daddy is there although he doesn't participate much in the conversations.  He likes to be in the background.  Different personalities means different ways of communication. 

I am proud of my boys. They have continued to do well in school. Colin made Principal's List (all A's) the second quarter of school. Keep in mind this is when we learned Jeff would deploy, then not deploy, then deploy, and he left. This was also the time we were all sick, and we had Thanksgiving and Christmas. It wasn't easy for any of us, but they have done great. Carson is excelling too.  He is continuing do well in school, doing second grade (or higher) work as a first grader.

One thing I have tried to do is keep things consistent.  Being the Sunday school teacher for my class at church has helped with our attendance at church.  Some mornings it would be so easy to stay home, but I know I have that commitment. I also have my commitments as nursery coordinator and worker.  I coached Colin's robotics team which took a lot of time after school.  He has continued with chorus and academic team as well.  Now he is getting involved in STLP.  Carson just likes to hang out.  He wants to be at home doing what he likes to do. He has been going to some scout meetings. We don't have a lot of down time, and I think that is a good thing.  We have our evenings and weekends for homework and family activities.

Being able to communicate with Jeff through Skype, email, and texting has been good for the boys as well.  They have been able to see that he is ok and have some time telling about what all they have been doing.  Christmas break really spoiled us because we were able to Skype EVERDAY for at least an hour or more.  Getting back into our routine was a little rough, but we made it.  The boys used their (and my) Christmas money to purchase an iPad. Colin's email is set up on there so he is able to email Jeff on his own.  We have been very blessed with how much we've been able to "talk" to Jeff. That has helped a lot.

We still have at least 4 more months to go.  Until Jeff walks through the door, the boys (mainly Colin) will continue to countdown the days with their M&M jar.  It started out looking like this...

Now, it is looking like this....

I guess you can say, "An M&M a day brings our Soldier home!"

I am proud of my boys. They are doing well. They are staying focused. They are being (pretty) good. They are praying daily for their Daddy. 

Read-A-Thon

Since July 1, children at our church have been participating in a Read-A-Thon to raise money for our local adult literacy center. 

From the 1st to the 15th, they read books and kept a reading log while asking for donations.  Then on Monday, the 12 participants spent 3 1/2 hours at church for what we called a Read In.  They created Use Me books, book marks, learned about church ettiquette, and had time for some more reading. 

Then on Tuesday, we took a field trip to the literacy center.  The children enjoyed a tour of the center and created learner toolkits for the centers "students."  They presented a check to the director and explained what all they have worked on in the process. 

I am so proud of these kids. They worked so hard.  These 12 amazing children read 151 books and a combined 44 books of the Bible.  They also raised $403.29. I appreciate Cindy allowing me to be a part of this. I also appreciate Cindy, Holly, Hilarie, and Leslie for helping out. 

On Wednesday, we presented the final project to the church and handed out awards to the top point earners. They earned points based on their reading, donations, and attendance of the other activities.  All of the children recieved a goody bag for participating.