Friday, October 07, 2016

It's Who I Am

The whole point of this #write31days series is for us to find our identities in Christ, for us to see ourselves as God sees us.  We'd like to think that we are pretty awesome the way we are.  However....

I'll be the first to admit a few personal things.....there are things about my personality that my seem awkward.  There are things about myself I would change somewhat. I am not perfect.

There I said it.  It is out in the we can get real.

I am not a very outgoing person, especially if I don't know you very well.  When I was at the Five Minute Friday Retreat last year, someone said, "Natasha, you're supposed to talk at these things."  I agreed, and then said, "I will. I like to listen first." That's how I take in my surroundings. I listen, I people watch.  I try to figure out where I fit in.  It isn't that I am trying to be rude, far from it.  I don't always know what to say, and I want to feel comfortable before I put myself out there. It's who I am.

As for friendships, I am not always open to letting others get close to me.  I was hurt in the past by some friends that I thought would never betray me.  Even to this day, I'm not sure where our friendships went wrong. I've decided "it is what it is," and I've forgiven them.  I'm just not always eager to let others in. Again, this makes me standoffish.  It's just who I am.

I'd love to have my husband's people person skills, his outgoing friendly personality.  He can can talk to anyone anywhere.  But that's who he is, and I shouldn't compare.

There are other things I might change about myself given the, weight, crow's feet, money in the bank account. I'm 5'4" and a bit overweight.  My clothes fit a bit too tight, I have thinning/graying hair, and time is marching across my face.  I could use a little more money in my bank account to pay off student loans, a mortgage, and buy Starbucks, books, and shoes anytime I want.  But for now, I'll keep paying my bills until they are paid off, look for clearance sales, and buy Starbucks on occasion. It's who I am.

Philippians 4:11 says, "I have learned in whatever state I am to be content."

That, my Friend, is something we all need to learn.

Psalm 139 tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, my social awkwardness, my thin graying hair, and my season of life are who I am.  No part of who I am, no part of my personality, no part of my life is a surprise to God.  He made me.  He knew when in knit me together in my mother's womb that I would  be clumsy. He knew that I would lose my temper easily and need lots of help to overcome that sin.  He knew that I would have difficulty making friends and struggle with a healthy lifestyle.  He knew when my flappy arms would develop and when my hair would start to turn gray.  He knows everything about past, my present, my future.  And yet, He loves me anyway.

Regardless of whatever season of life I'm in, regardless of whether my body ages gracefully or not, I must and will choose to be content.  God has ordained this path I'm on. I will praise Him because I'm a Child of God. It's who I am.

On this journey, let's look at ourselves truthfully.....changing bodies, changing seasons of life, our sinfulness.  Look at it all, ask God to point out what is not pleasing to Him and ask Him to help you change it.  Don't ask Him for someone else's life or looks. Don't ask Him for someone else's job or home.  Ask Him to be the YOU he has planned you to be.

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