Sunday, October 02, 2016

Down and Dirty

Every few weeks, I decide to cover up my sparkles.  You know.....gray hairs.

The kids at school often wonder how we get those sparkles in our hair.  I'm not big on fixing my hair.  Quick and easy. That's how I like it.  It usually takes me a few weeks to actually get around to choosing a color at Wal-Mart, and its usually the first thing I see that's the closet to my natural color. And as for haircuts,   I got mine cut the day before school started back in August. Before that, my last hair cut was a year earlier.

My hair isn't a big priority.  Kinda crazy for a woman to say I guess.  But it goes back to when I was sixteen.

One spring day, we got a call that my aunt, my Nanny, had been in an accident and was being taken to Vanderbilt Hospital.  I knew that to go there, the accident had to have been serious.  I drove my mom to my grandparent's house a few miles away and got the news of what had happened.

Nanny and her fiance had been working to put up a fence row and her ponytail had gotten caught in an auger.  Her scalp had been ripped off.

Let me tell you about my Nanny. She is beautiful.  I remember her always looking nice, no matter if it were a holiday or a day at the pool.  She was beautiful all the time.  Her hair, her make up, her clothes.  Everything flattered her.  Not to mentioned she taught me how to make grilled cheese sandwiches.  She has an amazing laugh to go along with her wonderful sense of humor. Kind, caring, and fun. Yes, my Nanny is awesome.

But now,  on that March day, we didn't know what her fate would be.  Would she live? Would she die?  Would they be able to reattach her scalp?  What was going to happen to Nanny?

So many questions. So many emotions.

As time passed, we learned that Nanny would never have hair again. She would be bald for the rest of her life.

But she was alive.

To me that was the most important thing.

I learned through that experience that a woman is made of so much more than her looks.  She's made of strength and confidence and love and compassion.  Those are the things I thought made a woman beautiful.

True beauty became a heart matter.

I'd like to say that I never forgot that, that I never had vain thoughts or actions.  I'd like to say that, but I can't.  Although, deep down, I know it's true.

And that is where we have to go. Deep down. To the heart of the matter.  We have to ask the tough and dirty questions: What is it that I've allowed to determine my self worth? What have I created as my identity?  What is it that consumes me?

More often than naught, the answers to those questions never include Jesus Christ.

In order to identify with as being a child of God, we have to desire him.  We have to have our hearts set on him.

Psalm 51:10 says, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

To have a clean heart, we must empty ourselves of every desire that is not of Christ.

We have to stop comparing ourselves to others, stop keeping up with the Jones's, stop striving for bigger and better and more.

We have think on the things which are of Jesus, those things that are pure and holy.  If we strive to be like anyone, we should strive to be like Christ.  When are hearts are filled with Him, he gives us a steadfast spirit.  We are unwavering and loyal, fully dedicated to Him.  And that should be the desire of our hearts.

So today, dig deep down.  As the hard questions: What have I allowed to determine my value and self-worth? Where does my identity come from? The answers can get dirty and messy and make us cringe, but without seeking that truth, we will never be able to see how amazing and worthy we really are.

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