Saturday, February 28, 2015

I Blew It, But That's OK

It's the last day of February, and I've already blown it!  My One Word to live by for 2015.

I have vowed this year to do what it takes to be gentle in my words and actions, to respond instead of react. And I blew it.

I noticed a rough patch of partaking in yelling matches with tiny humans (my children).  I noticed I wasn't as kind to my students at school when I became frustrated with their behavior and attitudes.  And with adults, well, I wasn't very nice in my thoughts and attitudes about their irritating behaviors. I may have even stuck my foot in my mouth a couple of times.  What else? I probably experienced a little road rage. I never really thought about it until we were in drive thru at McDonald's and my 4 year old yells, "GO ON PEOPLE!"

Umm yea. He heard that from his mama.  Not a proud moment.

So what was it?  What caused me to lose my temper, to be harsh, to be someone I wasn't proud of?

I realized I had not been spending enough time with my best friend
my Jesus.

No reason is a good reason.  I can blame the fact that I'd just finished my one year Bible and was waiting the arrival of my new chronological Bible. I can blame the fact that I wanted to get caught up on War and Peace and didn't have time to spend in God's Word.  I can blame blogging, wanting to talk about Jesus instead of spend time with Him.  I can pick and choose a bunch of different reasons. Again, none of them are good reasons.

I wasn't spending time with God like I should have been. Plain and simple.

What I've noticed about myself is this.... The less time I spend with Christ, the less I am like Him.  The more time I spend away from Him, the more likely I am to ruin my witness. Basically, I mess up. I have behaviors and attitudes I don't like.

But here's what true:  When I mess up, it's OK if I realize I'm not right with God and I try to fix it. Now, I'm not saying, "Oh, it's alright. Go ahead and fail."  Not at all. To God, it's nothing new that I'm a sinner. He loves me anyway.  He asks that I repent of my sins, in this case, my lack of gentleness.  He is just and forgives me even though I don't deserve it.  He knows that there will be a day, sooner than I'd like to think, that I'll fail again.  He is, after all,  El-roi - God Who Sees Me. He knows my failure is coming. Yet, there He will be, with His outstretched hand, ready to lift me back up.

For that I am thankful.  I am thankful that He doesn't expect me to be perfect, He only expects me to be the best me I can be and reach for Him to make me more like Him.  He knows I can't do it on my own.

But what now?  Now that I have seen the patterns of behavior and attitudes that come with spending less time with Christ, what do I do?  I have to make Christ a priority....excuse me....the priority.  I have to find out what excuses I have for not spending time with Him and rid myself of those excuses. I have to live daily with this in mind:  No excuse is acceptable.

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