I have vowed this year to do what it takes to be gentle in my words and actions, to respond instead of react. And I blew it.
I noticed a rough patch of partaking in yelling matches with tiny humans (my children). I noticed I wasn't as kind to my students at school when I became frustrated with their behavior and attitudes. And with adults, well, I wasn't very nice in my thoughts and attitudes about their irritating behaviors. I may have even stuck my foot in my mouth a couple of times. What else? I probably experienced a little road rage. I never really thought about it until we were in drive thru at McDonald's and my 4 year old yells, "GO ON PEOPLE!"
Umm yea. He heard that from his mama. Not a proud moment.
So what was it? What caused me to lose my temper, to be harsh, to be someone I wasn't proud of?
I realized I had not been spending enough time with my best friend
No reason is a good reason. I can blame the fact that I'd just finished my one year Bible and was waiting the arrival of my new chronological Bible. I can blame the fact that I wanted to get caught up on War and Peace and didn't have time to spend in God's Word. I can blame blogging, wanting to talk about Jesus instead of spend time with Him. I can pick and choose a bunch of different reasons. Again, none of them are good reasons.
I wasn't spending time with God like I should have been. Plain and simple.
What I've noticed about myself is this.... The less time I spend with Christ, the less I am like Him. The more time I spend away from Him, the more likely I am to ruin my witness. Basically, I mess up. I have behaviors and attitudes I don't like.
For that I am thankful. I am thankful that He doesn't expect me to be perfect, He only expects me to be the best me I can be and reach for Him to make me more like Him. He knows I can't do it on my own.
But what now? Now that I have seen the patterns of behavior and attitudes that come with spending less time with Christ, what do I do? I have to make Christ a priority....excuse me....the priority. I have to find out what excuses I have for not spending time with Him and rid myself of those excuses. I have to live daily with this in mind: No excuse is acceptable.