Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Tour of Duty Week 1

Today was the start of the Tour of Duty Bible study I am taking part in, again. 

I really felt that God was leading me to this study.  When we learned that Jeff would be deploying, I put this study on my To Do list.  I got so much from this study the first time I did it and knew it would help me through the deployment.  Well, orders were rescinded, but I still considered doing the study.  Then came the email from Wives of Faith that the study was going to be online.  I knew doing the study was a must.

So this week, we are introducing ourselves.  For those of you that don't know me....

Hi, y'all!  I'm Natasha!

Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to be a military wife. 

Jeff and I started dating in 1991 and were married 8 years later. That puts at a 21 year relationship, married for 13 of those years.  It wasn't until about 4 years ago that we began this journey.  He is now a Chaplain for the US Army Reserves.

I can't speak for how I've dealt with deployment because Jeff has not been deployed.  I can speak, however, about how I've deal with long separations, anywhere from a long weekend to almost 4 months.  It isn't easy to say the least.  However, I have grown from those experiences. 

I have to admit, I've never really had really high self esteem.  I've always doubted my abilities, and still do to a point.  But, taking care of home and children alone places a person in situations you least expect. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 says
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

Separations have helped me to trust in the Lord.  They have caused me to put my emotions and feeling in check with God's will.  It is difficult to sometimes get up off the couch instead of brooding over our situation.  God wants to lead us, stretch us, strengthen us. We just have to let him. 

One thing I do struggle with is being a Reserves spouse instead of an active duty spouse.  I know that God has a plan in all this and maybe we may go active duty. Where He leads, I'll go.  Sometimes it just feels like I don't belong.  For someone who is often not comfortable in her own skin, this can pose a problem.  I don't know the in's and out's of the Army.  We've been on this journey for a couple of years now, but sometimes I feel just as clueless as when we started. I don't have any connections with local military wives. The only ones I know that are about my age have husbands that have previously served. I only meet people from Jeff's unit once or twice a year. Going to FRG meetings isn't really an option for us right now.  I think I would like to have those connections, especially with him being the Chaplain.  I feel like I should be there for the spouses. 

I am really excited about this study.  I am always open to what God has in store for me. This journey, although I have done it before, will bring new things.

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