Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Was I Gentle?

As 2015 came knocking on my door, I began to consider a word that I wanted to shape my life for the next 365 days.  That's hard to do if you want to be intentional about living the life God has planned for you.  Sometimes it takes looking in the mirror and finding that log that separates you from Christ.  

For me, that log was reacting instead of responding which caused me to be hateful and ill-tempered....aka....angry and yelling a lot.  

No mama wants to be remembered for that.  

At first I thought my problem was patience, or the lack of.  However, after a discussion during Sunday School, I realized that I wasn't gentle. Not the bull in a china shop gentle, but gentle, as in how I used my words and what my reactions were.

So, I vowed to be more gentle in 2015.  

To start, I had to find out what caused me to be ungentle.  That was easy.  I reacted.  I chose to spit out the first thing on my tongue.  Matthew 5:18 says, But the words you speak come from the heart--that's what defiles you.  

That, my friend, is a hard pill to swallow....that I had that "stuff" in my heart.  Not something you want to admit, although deep down, I knew it.  But why?  Why was it in my heart?

Plain and simple?  My relationship with God wasn't what it needed to be.

Now, I'm not saying that my relationship with Him is absolutely perfect now. It's not.  There are days I still give God a headache.  I'm the sweat on His brow, but He loves me anyway.

Little by little, I worked am working on my heart. Little by little my heart softens and I respond instead of react.

I'm dedicated to being the kind of mother that honors God.  The kind of mother that my children can be proud of, not live in fear of.  I'm dedicated to being the woman God has intended me to be.  I will extend grace by responding, not reacting.

Being gentle is a life long journey.  Some days are easier than others, but I have to remember to extend grace to myself, not if, but when I mess up.  Because mess up I will.

I thank God for walking on this journey with me, for helping me see my heart problem.

I will continue to listen for God's still small voice in those intense moments when I'm ready to fly off the handle.  I will continue to spend time with Him, not just once a day, but throughout the day to know Him, and be whom He wants me to be. My lifelong goal is to have Jesus inside each moment of my day, not just 30 minutes before work or at meal or bedtime prayers.  When I make Christ an integral part of my day, He is a part of me.  And that will cause love to flow from me in all that I do.

What about you, dear friend?  Did you chose a word to shape your year?  How did it go?

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