Boundaries

Kids get mad at me everyday.  I'm a mom and a teacher, so that comes with the territory and so I deal with it.  I don't try to make them mad, but they get upset because I make them follow rules and behave.  Now, why would I do that?  Well, so they are safe and don't turn out "bad."

From the time our children are little, we set boundaries for them.  We don't allow them to play with scissors or matches. We don't allow them to stick metal objects in the electrical outlets.  We teach them how to say, "Please" and "Thank You," "Yes Ma'am" and "No, Sir."  We make them wear their seat belts and sit in the car seat even if their friends don't.  We make them choose 1 thing to do or get instead of letting them have whatever they want. Yeah, I know these things sound basic, but what if we didn't set these basic boundaries at an early age?

The older kids get the more they get set in their ways.  If we wait until they are older to set boundaries and teach them right from wrong, they will rebel against us.

I've told before of how there are just random kids walking past my living room window. Occasionally, we will see kids climbing our trees in our yard.  The things that concern me about these two things is 1) no concern for privacy and 2) safety.  These same kids throw their stuff in our fenced in area where Big Dog stays. We find toys and Frisbees all the time. These same kids leave their bicycles, skateboards, and basketballs in our yard.  Not that I mind, but they are showing a lack of respect for their belongings.  Once I saw the garbage man trying to decide whether the bicycle parked by the garbage cans was supposed to be thrown away or if it was a good one.  It was indeed a perfectly good bicycle.

A student steals from his teachers and classmates.  He doesn't think it is a big deal because he didn't steal that much.  This child as learned to put a value on what he steals.  Why does he steal? Because he likes what he sees and wants it.  Now, he has learned that.  The behavior continues all school year. 

I've wondered why some parents don't teach their children about boundaries.  I think some are just glad the kids are bothering them, just send them off somewhere and let someone else take care of them. Maybe its is just easier to let them do whatever they want.  Who likes conflict anyway?  Some may be too busy with their own lives: partying, socializing, having affairs, doing drugs. Who cares about the kids? They only care about themselves.

Eventually, these kids are faced with having to obey rules and stay within boundaries. That is when they rebel.  They've never had to do it before and now someone (usually the teacher) is trying to make them do something they don't want to do.  Sometimes, its is the parents that finally decide to set boundaries for their kids. They've had enough of the backtalk and the lack of respect and finally decide to do something about it. 

I'm not the perfect parent or teacher, but I'm here to say that it is OK to tell children "no" and make them obey.  In fact, I highly recommend it, just be sure to stay strong and don't give in.  I know that isn't easy.  Sometimes the kids just keep on and on and on and on. We get tired of hearing it and want to shut them up.  Sometimes other relatives take the kids' side and make you look like the bad guy. Who wants to be the bad guy?  Not me, but at the end of the day, I am responsible for my children, not their friends or grandparents.

It is my responsibility (my blessing) to raise my children the very best that I can.  I have to make sure they are fed, clean, and safe. I have to make sure they know what is good and bad, right and wrong.  I have to make sure they turn out to be the Christian men that God has planned for them.  I have to teach them by example.I have to make sure they know that I make my decisions based on what I feel is best for them. 

Colin was fussing the other night about something. He said, "I don't always get what I want."  I told him that I don't always get what I want either, that sometimes what we want isn't what is best for us." 

I am a pretty strict parent.  I don't let my kids run in church or talk during service. I don't let them act hog wild when we go to a store or restaurant.  I don't let them hit or backtalk.  I don't let them eat junk food until they are sick. I don't buy them whatever they want. I don't let them do what they want all the time. But, I'm not Hitler. 

I love my kids and they know it.  How?

My kids hear me pray for them by name.  I cuddle with them. I give them hugs and kisses.  I play with them. I surprise them with trips to Chuck E. Cheese and Chaney's Dairy Barn.  I let them stay up late watching movies.  Sometimes I let them have Popsicles and Cheetos for breakfast and pancakes and cinnamon biscuits for supper.  I let them help me when it would be a lot quicker and easier for me just to do it myself.  I put their needs before my own.  I take them to church.  I tell them I love them everyday.

What is so cool is how sometimes when I've not allowed my boys to do something, but someone allowed their kids to do it, Colin will give me a look that says, "Now, I understand. Thanks, Mom." 

My kids at school don't always agree with my rules, but they've said, "Now, we see why you don't allow us to do that," when they see the consequences based on the actions of other classes.

No, parenting is not easy.  It is hard. We don't want our kids to hate us, but we want them to be loved, safe, and to "turn out OK." We have to set boundaries with our kids and we have to stick with them.