Q&A with Sara Horn and a Giveaway!

As most of you know, I was selected to be a part of author Sara Horn's My Wife Life Team to help promote her new book My So-Called Life as a Submissive Wife. I have read this book and it is awesome. Actually, I've read them all and they are all amazing!

Recently, I was able to ask Sara a few questions about her experiment in biblical submission in marriage.

Q1. What would a submissive wife look like during a deployment?

Sara: My husband Cliff has been a Seabee in the Navy Reserves for 17 years now, and he is currently on his third deployment in the last six years. We have about eight months to go before he returns. We walked through this year-long experiment looking at biblical submission that I write about in the book, right after he returned from his second deployment, so I am learning what biblical submission looks like in a deployment first hand right now.

 For me, I think the biggest difference is attitude. I know it is easy sometimes to approach deployment as a military spouse with this determined, hunkered down, "it's all on me" kind of perspective, but I'm not sure that's always the best or most healthiest way to handle things. It's easier for resentment to grow and it's easier to feel less respect for your husband when you do that. You convince yourself you don't need him, because you think that will get you through the next several months apart, but in the end, that attitude can really hurt you and your marriage in the long run. Because deployments don't last, and eventually they do come home, and how you handle their absence during deployment is just as important if not more so than how you handle it when they return. 

Even during deployment, I still think of us as two, and even though he's far away right now, he's still part of our family, and he still leads our family. Now, can I go to him every day with decisions? No. But I'm not going to make decisions that I know he specifically wouldn't like or wouldn't feel comfortable with. I'm going to keep him in mind when I'm disciplining our son, and when I talk to him, I'm going to be sure to keep him in the loop on important things with the family. Trust and respect and communication are really vital.

Q2. What were some notable changes you saw in your son as a result of the submissive wife experiment?

Sara: I'm not sure if I saw any specific changes in Caleb as we were going through this. For one thing, we were in a house full of people for about half of the time and I'm not sure he would have noticed much to begin with. From his perspective (and I had to ask him just now), he has always seen his parents in a close, loving marriage. He's seen us kissing and holding hands, and he's seen us arguing and in heated discussions about things. But he's always seen those arguments resolved with apologies and hugs. He knows how much I love and respect his dad, because I tell him often, and he sees the respect and love his dad shows me. Just in the last few months before he left, I did notice Cliff very intentionally leading our son. He'd make sure he was doing his chores, and that Caleb was listening when I asked him to do something, and he was very deliberate in letting Caleb know the importance of helping me with things around the house. He would correct him when he wasn't doing what he was supposed to. I definitely saw changes in Cliff during our experience, really taking initiative to lead our family, and so in that way, I would say Caleb has been impacted. He's got a dad who is teaching him how to lead in a godly way as a man.

Q3. Has your submission experiment rubbed off on any friends or those who thought you were crazy?

Sara: That's a good question! I'm not sure, because if there is one thing I'm a firm believer in, making a decision to pursue biblical submission, or make changes in your marriage, can really only happen when you're ready for a change or for a heart change. It's gotta start with your own heart and your own awareness of a need to change some things, so I've been very careful, even in my small group at church, not to pressure or do anything that  would make someone feel guilty or something for not being at a point where they want to do this. There is one person in my life who seems to have softened in the last year towards her marriage and her family, though I have no idea if it has anything to do with what Cliff and I walked through and learned. I hope that as friends get hold of the book, that just like other readers I've heard from, I hope my friends will also be encouraged. 

Q4. How do you handle those moments when you were being "the submissive wife" and allowing your husband to lead when you didn't agree with him? (Those I told you so moments)

Sara: We had one of those just the other day when I was talking to my husband on the phone. :) I've started calling those moments Edit moments. Meaning you have to be willing to edit yourself and just because you feel like saying something doesn't mean you should. In our case, my husband was struggling with something that ultimately, he had made the decision on and it was a decision that at the time I had questioned him about but had respected and supported what he'd decided. At that moment on the phone, he was really struggling with some things he hadn't expected as part of that decision. It was tempting for me to say "I told you so, if you'd only listened to me" but as I was listening to him, I knew that wouldn't have helped him at all. So I listened. I encouraged where I could. I let him know I believed everything was going to be ok and that I believed in him. And I still trust that the decision my husband made, God is still going to honor and there will be blessings despite the challenges. 

I do want to make a point here, that biblical submission is NOT the equivalent of us as wives putting duck tape on our mouths and we aren't allowed to ever express an opinion or speak up when a decision is to be made. God did not make us to be doormats. NOT AT ALL. As wives, we should offer our opinions to our husbands, we should speak up when we're concerned the wrong decision is being made. But there's a way to do it that doesn't make our husbands feel small and there's a way to do it that helps our husbands consider our additional counsel, so to speak, as opposed to us saying "THIS is how it should be done." A loving tone and a graceful giving spirit goes a long way.

How would you like to have a copy of Sara's new book?  

Well, she would love for you to have a copy, so 

Sara is giving a copy to one of my lucky readers.  

You can have multiple entries by:

1. Leave a comment here describing what submission in marriage looks like to you.  

2. Visit Sara's store at sarahorn.com, come back here, and leave a comment telling us what your favorite item is.

3. Share this post via Facebook and leave a comment that you did.

4. Share this post via email and leave a comment that you did.

5. Leave a comment telling us who shared this post with you via Facebook or email.

I will randomly select a winner on Saturday, August 3. 

Good luck!

You can find Sara on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/sarahornwrites

and

follow her on Twitter at https://twitter.com/sarahorn.

Book Review: My So-Called Life as a Submissive Wife

Submissive is probably not a word that most women would want to have describe them; after all, we come from the generation of Girls Can Do Anything Boys Can Do Only Better.  We've been told to dream big, become independent, and successful. Not that there is necessarily anything wrong with having goals and dreams, but maybe we need to take a long look at what being submissive really means when it comes to marriage.

That's exactly what author Sara Horn did.

After her Proverbs 31 experiment, Sara felt that God was leading her on another journey, what it means to be a submissive wife. Many people, including her husband, questioned why she would want to do this new experiment.  For Sara, it was finding out what God's will was for her as a wife and mom.  Her journey is documented in her book My So-Called Life as a Submissive Wife.

Sara writes honestly about her journey through the submission experiment.  She discusses her highs and lows as she struggles to change her thinking, behavior, and attitude. I was able to relate to many of the things that Sara wrote about: the feeling/need to do it all, micromanaging a marriage whether you mean to or not, wanting more out of life/following your dreams, but not wanting that to interfere with your family responsibilities, and letting go so your husband can lead.  

Like most women, Sara didn't feel the call to be a domestic goddess, although the experiment did help her look at the responsibilities of marriage and family a bit differently.  Sometimes we can become resentful in having to cook and clean, in having to take care of children, and fulfilling other duties when it seems no one notices or helps. But in trying to live according to biblical submission, a new perspective is formed.

By the end of the book, I no longer viewed submission as a bad thing. Sara's story showed me that biblical submission can strengthen a marriage, yet, that submission and the process is different for each marriage. 

I loved reading this book. I laughed. I cried. I felt convicted. Most of all, I feel motivated to work on being more submissive in my own marriage. I highly recommend this book to any woman who has a desire to become the wife that God has planned for her.

I received a free copy of this book from Sara Horn and Harvest House Publishers as part of The My Wife Team. I was asked to read and post an honest review of this book. 

Book Review: Upside-Down Prayers for Parents

Parents want their children to live godly lives. They want their children to be happy and to make a difference in the world.   They can't do it alone.  As parents, we need to pray for our children. 

In her book, Upside-Down Prayers for Parents, Lisa T. Bergren offers 31 devotions that parents can use to lift up their children to God.

Each day is consistent in its format with the previous day.  It begins with an "I pray...." statement and related scripture.   The next part of each day is a short personal story that relates to the topic and then a specific prayer.  The daily devotions end with a section called Making it Personal where parents can gain or reflect on their personal experience and then a Making it Relevant section which helps children relate to an experience as well.  There are questions for both older children and younger children.

I like the fact that the devotions are short and consistent.  I also like that there is both a place where the parent and children can become active in the devotion and reflect.  The blank writing space is also convenient.  I think this would be an excellent devotion for parents who have a desire to pray for their children and help them to strengthen their children's relationship with God and to help the parent be more intentional on praying for their children.

I received a free copy of this book from WaterBrook Press for the purpose of an honest review as part of their blogger book review program. 

Submission

Yes, you read that correctly.

Submission.

I've just read Sara Horn's new book My So-Called Life as a Submissive Wife. 

I really liked it and will be posting a review of it soon. 

But for now, I'd like to know your thoughts on submission in marriage.  Does it scare you? Do you think it is wrong? Is it politically incorrect?  Is it necessary? Should it be standard? What do you think?

Book Review: My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife

Like many women who read about The Virtuous Wife from Proverbs 31:10-31, Sara Horn felt intimidated and didn't like her. At the same time, though, she felt that there could be something there. Something that she needed to experiment with.  So, that set wife, mom, author Sara Horn on an experiment, a journey to study the Proverbs 31 wife and try to become more like her. She wrote about this experiment in her book My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife.

Throughout the journey, Sara saw success and failures.  She is a driven woman who has a strong desire to minister and work.  She has a husband who likes to help out.  During this experiment, the family was in a difficult season, unemployment for her husband and her quest to become domesticated. 

Sara found out that the most important part of the process would be her relationship with God.  If she feared him and strengthened her relationship with God, then her other relationships would fall into place.  She would be the woman God had planned for her.

I really enjoyed this book. Sara writes with honesty and humor.  It is easy to relate with her experience. 

I received a free copy of this book from Sara Horn and Harvest House Publishers as part of the My Wife Life Team.  I was not required to write a review.

Schools for Military Kids

I would like a little feedback from my military mom readers.  My husband and I are considering going active duty instead of staying in the reserves.  We want the best educational opportunity for our children.  From mom to mom, I'd like to know:

1. Do you home school or do your children attend school?

2. If your children attend school, is it a public school, private school, or a school on base?

3.  What are your educational regrets with your children? What would you change?

If we do decide to go active duty, I will have to continue to work.  There's a little word called bills!  So, I would have to find me a job, hopefully a teaching job since that's what I do. 

Here and There

And everywhere.

That's what I feel like. Like I've been around the world.  Where have I been?  I've been here.  At home. Unless you count our trip to Huntsville for Space Camp.  Other than that, we've been hanging out, being bums, enjoying our time together.

Jeff was invited to preach at a neighboring church. Their pastor had surgery, and they needed someone to fill in for him.  It was a great experience for us. The people there are very welcoming and loving. The first Sunday we visited was potluck.  Southern Baptist. Food. Potluck.  Yum!

Now, this week he will be filling in for our pastor who is on vacation.  Bible study tonight. Worship service Sunday morning and evening.  If you are around these parts, stop by!  Sunday night, he will speak about his ministry in Afghanistan. 

We are still praying over active duty.  We think we know what God wants.  We aren't sure if we are comfortable with it.  So, praying. Lots of praying.  I'll support Jeff's decision.  I don't want him to look back and regret not going for it.  It is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and neither of us are getting any younger!  I think its funny that as we pray for God to reveal his will for us that we read scripture, read a book passage, hear a song, or have a conversation that points us in the right direction and then fear sets in.  But I know he did not instill in us a heart of fear. That he has plans to help us, not hurt us. But still, discerning the will of God is difficult.  We want to do the right thing.

As for me, I feel like I want to do more.  Currently, I am working on a Bible Study Curriculum for Wives of Faith.  I am finally (hopefully) getting on a schedule to focus on it more.  I am helping Wives of Faith founder/author/all around great gal Sara Horn promote her new book, My So-Called Life as a Submissive Wife.  I am reading My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife too.  But still, I am feeling like there is more I need to be doing.  I was approached at the end of the school year about starting a prayer group at school.  That has me thinking about some possibilities.  Active Duty has me thinking too. 

I can picture myself in several situations, but I don't know what I am supposed to do.  Sometimes I just wish God would speak audibly and tell me what I'm supposed to do.  That would make things so much easier. 

One thing I am working on is being a better mom.  Adolescence and puberty are rampant at my house.  Being a mom of three boys can be a grueling calling. Seriously, the first words to me one morning were, "Butt stinks." Yeah, I love you too, kid! I have an (almost) 11 year old who thinks he is grown and knows everything. I have a 3 year old who thinks he is unstoppable and just as big as his brothers. I have a 7 year old that is learning some bad attitude from his mom and older brother.  Something has to give before I am totally gray before I'm 36.  So, I got the Love Dare for Parents.  I also have another book that I was supposed to do a book review on and haven't gotten around to it, Upside-Down Prayers for Parents, that I will be reading. Who knows. Maybe I will write a book about my journey to be a better mom! 

As you can see, I am here and there.  Things going on everywhere.  But as disorderly as life is right now, I have managed to potty train a toddler. That's progress. Right?