Day 14 - Waist Deep in Glory

I knew about Him.  I didn't know Him.

Up until that point, I had never met Him, although He had been with me all my life.

I was at a revival at a small country church in Allen County. I don't recall the name of the church or the pastor's name.  I was a guest of my friend Holly.  She worked with Jeffrey and she and I became friends and her husband was friends with mine.  Holly sang Amazing Grace.  As she sang, I remember thinking "I want that."  Tears began to flow as the Lord's invitation was given.  My heart wanted to go forward, but my body wouldn't move.  There was a voice laughing at me. "You are so stupid. What are you thinking?  These people don't know you and you don't know them.  They are going to think you're crazy if you go up there."

The fact of the matter was I was face to face to Jesus that evening and Satan pulled me away.

I was unworthy of what Jesus had to offer me that night, I knew it and Satan knew it. 

When Colin was almost 2, we started attending Calvary fairly regularly.  In June of 2004, the church was preparing for their baby dedication.  Although Colin wasn't really considered a baby at that point, I wanted to still participate with him, but wasn't sure if we could. 

I had been trying to get ahold of Bro. Copass at the church office, but he was never in when I called.  Well, the Friday before the dedication service, I was in town running some errands.  I was near the post office and thought that I would drive by the church to talk to the pastor, but this little voice kept telling me it was a waste of time, that he wouldn't be there anyway.  Another little voice (yes, I was hearing voices :) ) encouraged me to go on over; it wasn't that far, and he might be there.  There seemed to be a battle going on, and now looking back, I know it was a battle for my soul.

Bro. Copass was there, and as we chatted about the baby dedication, he asked me the question of questions: Was I saved?  I was ashamed and embarrassed.  Hear I was wanting to dedicate my child to the Lord, to raise him for HIM, and I didn't have a relationship with Jesus myself.  Immediately, the tears began to flow, and Bro. Copass knew my answer.  He lead me through the sinners prayer, and as I prayed, I felt Jesus there with me. I felt him lift the burden of my sins off of me.  He held me as I cried out to Him. 

At that moment, I was in His glory.

I was unworthy.
I was filled with shamed.
I was in my sins.

Yet, He loved me and saved me anyway.

I will never be worthy.
I will still do things that will cause me (and Him) shame.
I will still sin.
I do not deserve the grace He has given me.

Yet, I am forever thankful.

Thankful that He revealed himself to me in that small country church.
Thankful that He didn't give up on me.
Thankful that He won the war of words that Friday.
Thankful that He saved my soul.

The story does not end there however.  That Sunday, we dedicated Colin in front of our family and friends.  During the invitation, I tapped my husband on the shoulder to let me out of the pew so I could make my profession of faith, to let the church know that I had met Jesus and surrendered my life to Him.  As I slid past my husband, God nudged him to follow.  Then and there, my husband surrendered his life to Jesus and was saved.  What a joyous day for our family!  Our lives have not been the same since. 

I have seen the hand of God at work in my life and in the lives of others.  We are not worthy of the work He has done and will do. We are not worthy of His love.  For many, this is a good reason to not seek a relationship with Him.  However, our unworthiness is the reason we need a relationship with Him.  We all need to find ourselves waist deep in his Glory, not just on the day of our salvation, but each day of our lives.