Mostly, it is my fault. Friendships are work. They become what you put into them. If we don’t put time and effort into them, relationships won’t grow.
As today’s women, we are busy. Some of us work full time, while others stay home. Between our many obligations and responsibilities, we neglect ourselves and our friendships because
But after reading today’s scripture, I am again moved. Here Mary, who just found out that she would be having the Son of God, goes on a trip to visit her pregnant relative. She didn’t stay home to plan and get her nursery read; unselfishly, she went to care for Elizabeth. Mary and Elizabeth had a special bond and nothing would keep them apart.
Then I look at the connection between Jesus and John. John leapt in his mother’s room when Mary arrived. It was like he was excited that his Lord had come. In the womb, there was already a bond between them.
Back to Mary and Elizabeth…..there is a lot to take from their relationship, Mary made time for Elizabeth. Shouldn’t we therefore make time for our friends? I feel guilty for leaving my children to go do something I want to do (have lunch with a friend), so I don’t do it. That is my choice and something I will have to work through. I think as my children get older and more independent, I will find more time for myself and my friendships.
I stop to think, though, of the friendships I do have. I thank God each day for the women of Calvary Baptist Church. Each one in their season of life, has blessed me in some way. Whether through just having an adult to talk to after spending a long day with a bunch of fourth graders or from their comforting words after the death of a loved one, I have shared so much with these women. They befriended me when I first came to Calvary. They have been there through two pregnancies. They comforted me when I lost my grandparents. They prayed for me when Jeffrey was gone to Japan and South Carolina. I can only hope that I have been a blessing to them as well.
One thing that I’ve learned while reading Friendship for Grown-Ups is that we have to give as well as receive. We don’t want to drain our friends of all their resources by being takers. That was also the example of Mary. She gave of herself to Elizabeth. Her life was changing before her eyes, yet, she still made time for the ones she loved and cared for.
I thank God for the example of Mary. I hope that I can be that type of friend. I pray that He will do a good work through me that I may be a blessing to my friends and coworkers, that through me, they will feel his love and experience his grace and mercy. I thank God for my friends, for all the times they have made a difference in my life. I thank God for each lady joining me through this journey and pray that He would bless them greatly and meet whatever need they may have.
I can relate to what you said about friendships. It is hard to be vulnerable and really give of yourself. I can find a lot of reasons why I can't but I know I am so blessed when I do. I too have experienced hurt from others. It is hard to see past that. It is hard to really trust someone again. Making time, leaving my kids, having things to get done, all become a reason not to reach out to someone else. I am so guilty of doing that very thing. Mary is a good example of giving of oneself. I pray I can become more like her in that respect. P.S. I am loving this bible study. Thanks for doing it.
ReplyDeleteI see the same type of friend in a co-worker as Mary was. It is not about her at all but what can I do for you. She practically cares for an older man that comes to school and works as a volunteer, she has prayer meetings in her room, she came to see Ashlee baptized last year. The example was set high and I can not even begin to reach it. If it weren't for family, I would have not social life. There are so many times I want to help or do soemthing but it seems I let other things get in my of doing them.
ReplyDeleteI think as working moms, we are at a disadvantage when it comes to friendships. I am curious as to what Leslie may say about this. I'm trying to finish my Friendship for Grown-Ups book and I'll let my thoughts come then.
ReplyDeleteYou know that as moms, we give up some parts of us. Friendships often arise because our kids are friends or we are soccer moms on the same team. Whatever the reason for the start of the friendship, we need to let our guard down some to let others into our lives. Sometimes this is SO much easier said than done. I know I am guilty of this. I guess I'm scared of getting betrayed or hurt in some other way. Looking deep within me, I see that I'm afraid to sometimes let go because I don't want to be judged.
ReplyDeleteI really do like the format for this study, by the way. It forces me to put out there my thoughts, reflections, and feelings. In a face to face study, I think that sometimes we don't say what we truly think because we don't want to be judged. So Natasha, thank you. I am so happy that God allowed our paths to cross. I love you so very much!
This is such a great discussion. Hilarie, I think you are right.....I love the online study because truly I do much better expressing myself in writing and in person I'm probably not going to be as open....It's a personality thing with me....but something we need to be careful about. We should let our guard down a little more when we are with our friends and just be real....but it's so hard isn't it?
ReplyDeleteWhat if they judge us?
What if they don't like us?
What if they break of confidence?
I think we all struggle with these things. Friendships are such a blessing that I think Satan loves to interfere.....what about your friendship with your husband? That's a real tough one isn't it sometimes? It's a huge struggle in my life at times......Satan love it that we are busy and that we are so distracted in life. He wants that because it keeps us too distracted to hear what God may be calling us to do....reach out to a friend or help someone in need and sometimes that starts right inside our very homes. It doesn't matter what walk we have in life we seem to all be in the same boat......busy....hectic...frantic to get it all done. Natasha, I hate to tell you this, but it doesn't get any easier to find time for friends when your kids get older and more independent. I thought it would...but although they are independent now and don't need my direct care like when they were little....they are also involved in more activities and it's just crazy sometimes fitting it all in. I feel like I live in a constant rush! I homeschool and work two part time jobs.....so I don't know, but I think we're all in the same boat in life....busy and hectic..... Isn't that where we all are? I feel so blessed to have you all to walk through this Bible study with, Your friendship and understanding is a blessing. My prayer is that we will all just be the women that God wants us to be. He calls us all to different paths and I think that is a beautiful thing. I love it that today's study points out the fact that God provided Mary with a friend who would understand and believe in her during the most life changing event in her life.....amazing that the God of the universe cares that much about what we humanly need. He is so good.
Natasha, you are right. Friendships are hard work, especially the high-maintenance types. That's probably the category I fall in. Even when I try my hardest to hook up with friends, it usually doesn't go as planned. Take today, for example. I had a lunch date planned with my closest friend. In fact, last night I texted her to tell her how excited I was to think about having an hour out for adult conversation without the fear of getting snotted on or embarrassed by a screaming fit. Our date was scheduled for 11:00. At 10:55 daycare called to let me know my youngest was sick. Instead of choosing a more peaceful alternative, my friend decided to tag along as we raced across town to pick up the sickling, hooked up with my husband who had a later lunch time and would be able to hang around until with Sam until my mom and Hayden could make it back into town from BG, and called the doctor to make an appointment, leaving a full twelve minutes to scarf down our food (with snotty nosed children hanging on our shoulders) and rush back to work. Did I mention during lunch, my husband tipped over his drink, which would have landed in my friend's lap had there not been a lid and quick recovery? Yes, this is my crazy life, the life of a MOM. I'm living the American dream. As for lunch with a girlfriend, there's always next time. I'm just glad to have someone that will put up with all of my baggage and who accepts that my priorities don't always allow our plans to work out beautifully. Mary is the type of friend who is willing to go out of her way to be at the side of a friend in need. This is the type of friend I'm blessed to have, and I pray that God will help me become for of that kind of friend in return.
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