My Carson is different.
When he was born, he had a lot of fluid in his lungs and had to be whisked away to NICU. I honestly didn't know what was going on. Didn't really know about it until he was already placed there. It was hours before I could hold him.
That one thing has caused him to be different.
His allergies are terrible. He has asthma. We do breathing treatments. We have an inhaler. And when he gets sick....he get sick.
It scares me.
There have been countless nights I have held him and prayed for him. I recall one night wrapping him loosely in a blanket and sitting under the carport while it was raining so he could breathe in the cool air. I cried and I prayed. It broke my heart.
And still.
He gets a head cold and it turns awful.
He has had pneumonia. He has had RSV. He has something right now. His flu and RSV tests came back negative so he is being treated for pneumonia.
So today was another fun day he missed out on. His first grade Christmas party. He has missed parties, field trips, programs....lots of things because of being sick.
I hate it for him. It hurts me to see him miss out.
Totally unrelated to his lung issues, for several months he had severe leg pains. We did x-rays and blood work and came back with nothing. We would hold him, carry him, push him in a baby stroller because he hurt too much to walk. He has had chest pains to the point he has had an EKG.
I worry about him.
Colin and I talked about it today. I know he sometimes feels left out and that Carson gets a little more attention. I told him we don't do that to hurt anyone. That Carson is different because of his health and he needs a little more attention and care sometimes. And that is hard....to admit that sometimes you have to put one child before the other.
As a mom, I don't want my kids to ever doubt my love for them. I don't want them to ever think I loved one more than the other. I do want them to know they are different. They are unique. They can't be compared. They can only be loved and cared for the way their personalities require.
I too, have had to explain to Tabitha that although, I have to give AJ more time because of his medical needs at times. She is just as important to me and I love her so much. I have had to explain, that he sometimes, needs mama to hold him as he recovers from surgeries and other sicknesses, that I am so thankful she does not have to have. I hope she understands that. I sometimes, make special days to spend just with her to hopefully, help her understand that she is special too and gets time with mama too.
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