An unexpected detour

It's been two months since I've been here. I won't apologize for being gone.

My life today isn't what I was expecting it to be.

My journey these last two months has been difficult, heart wrenching.

If you know me, you know I love being a mom.  Yes, I am one of those crazy women who loves being pregnant.  In late July, I had that unbelievable moment (or moments since I took about 8 home EPTs) of finding out that I was expecting my fourth child. As if the deployment didn't make it official,  Jeff and I joked that we were now officially a military family because I was pregnant quickly after Jeff came home from Afghanistan.

I was excited.

I was nervous.

More nervous than my first pregnancy.

With each pregnancy and childbirth, there was something different, something a little scarier than the last.

My first son was two weeks late (according to me, not the doctor). He was a big boy, and it was a long, hard labor.

My second son was born and sent to NICU due to fluid in his lungs. He continues to have respiratory issues to this day.

My third son was born the day after my biophysical profile and ultrasound indicated I had been losing amniotic fluid.

So, yes. I was nervous. What would the scary moment be this fourth time around?

That moment came 8 months early.

After confirming my pregnancy with the doctor, we began to spread the news of our fourth child.  I felt the need to keep it on the down low, but I was just too excited.

After going to the restroom at work one day, I just knew something was wrong based on what I saw.  I immediately called the doctor's office and was ordered to come in.  After two weeks of blood work and ultrasounds, we got the news.  Our baby had stopped growing.

That news cut me deep.

We had to decide on whether or not to proceed with a D&C or wait for a natural miscarriage.  We decided to wait. 

I laugh now, but I remember sitting at home by myself one day and telling God, "Ok, God.  Today is a good day to get this over with."  I think He laughed at me.

After two weeks of nothing, we scheduled the surgery.

The next day.....

The worst day of my life.

The whole timing and location of the beginning of the natural miscarriage in my eyes was not ideal. What is ideal in my eyes?

God knows best.

That's what I keep telling myself.

There are days I am ok with not being pregnant.  There are days I see babies and want to cry.  There are days I feel guilty for having a peace about the whole miscarriage.  There are days I have no peace at all about it.

I do realize that is part of the grieving process.  And in reality, that is what I am doing.  Grieving the loss of a future I won't have, a baby I will never hold, a child I will never know.

But I have faith in God.

That is what has gotten me through this entire ordeal.

God gave me those weeks of tests to prepare my heart for the news I was to get.  He knew what I needed to go through be able to deal with the natural miscarriage.

Going through a valley teaches you a lot. It teaches you about people's true colors. It teaches you about your own strength.  It teaches you about whether or not you truly believe in God the way you say you do.

So, why do I write these words?

For you my friend.

For those that are hurting whether due to miscarriage or any other crisis.  God loves you. He has a plan for you. He is in control.  When you can't go on, He will give you the strength you need to keep moving.  Just trust Him. Seek Him. Read His word.  Truly, wholeheartedly, believe in Him.

For those of you that know someone who is hurting....love them. Hug them. Pray for them.  You don't have to say anything except "I love you" or "I am praying for you." For me, those were the words that meant the most.  Be careful of your words.  If you don't know what to say, those are the best things you could say.  And NEVER make woman feel like it was her fault that she miscarried.  She will doubt herself and doesn't need your help. 

If I have learned anything through this it is God loves me and will take care of me.  My friend Lesley bought me a plaque while Jeff was deployed. It says If God brings you to it, God will get you through it.I believe that with my whole heart.

A Suitable Helper

Monday, I was featured at Wives of Faith.  You can check out my article on submission in my marriage by clicking HERE.

And The Winner Is....

Congratulations to Sara P. She is the winner of Sara Horn's new book My So-Called Life as a Submissive Wife.  Here is Sara's comment that helped her win.

I am new to the "Submissive wife" thing. Anthony and I have been married for almost 10 years and are just now starting to figure it out. For us, it is a mutual respect for God and each other. I want to be the wife that deserves respect, love and trust and he wants to be the husband that deserves the same. To do this, you must put God first. Everything else falls into place for us. I have also just come to understand that Anthony, my husband, will be held accountable to God for my actions as well as our children's reactions. This astonished me. I never looked at it like that before. As soon as I learned of these verses in the Bible, it made me look at my choices differently. I don't want to do anything to cause him to stumble. I want to aid him in being our family leader. That is submission to me. It's still a very large work in progress for us though, lol.

One of the things that I appreciate the most is Sara's statement that she doesn't want to do anything to cause her husband to stumble.  I think that is something that all wives should consider. Are we helping our husbands or causing them to stumble.

Sara P., congrats on your book. I can't wait to hear what you think of it after reading it. I am glad you are excited about it.  Sara Horn, thanks so much for allowing women the opportunity to get their hands on your book with the giveaways.

If you didn't win, you can follow Sara Horn on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/sarahornwrites. She will be having more giveaways throughout the month.

Happy Release Day!

Today is the official release day for Sara' Horn's new book My So-Called Life as a Submissive Wife.

I am really excited for Sara and appreciate her allowing me to be a part of her My Wife Life Team to promote the book.  I was able to read and review the book. You can read my review HERE.

Some people hear the word SUBMISSION and start freaking out.  But really, I think married couples need to look deeper in to this submission thing.  It isn't about man being the controlling lord over his wife.  It is about relationship, a relationship that is in God's plan for marriage.  And isn't that what we all stood in front of our friends and family and vowed? That our marriage would reflect God's plan?

Just the other day, I was cleaning out my dresser, and I came across our wedding vows.

We gathered in the sight of God.

We promised to face the future together, accepting whatever may lie ahead.

We believed that God helped us find each other.

Scripture was quoted: Genesis 2: 18, 21-24

The Lord said it was not good for man to be alone.

He made a helper comparable to him.

A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.

They shall become one flesh.

We both promised before God and witnesses to 

love, honor, and cherish each other

forsake others

perform all the duties owed to the other

until parted by death.

To have and to hold

from this day forward

for better or for worse

for richer or for poorer

in sickness and in health

to love and to cherish

until parted in death

according to the law of God

The bands of gold we exchanged are reminders of

purity

honesty

and 

truthfulness 

that characterize the love we pledged to each other

The candles we lit symbolized that we were

united as one

We were challenged by out pastor to be a shining light

in our families

our church

our community

our world

When I read over those words, regardless of what I feel about the word submission, I know that if I truly believe the words that we recited that special day 14 years ago, then I will be the wife I am supposed to be. If my husband believes those words, he will be the husband he is supposed to be.

It isn't about control.  It isn't about trying to "one up" the other other.  It is about living out our vows and the promises we made in front of God.  Maybe that is what submission is.  We submit to God to be who He wants us to be.

What is your take on submission in marriage?  Negative? Positive?  Would you like to read Sara's book to find out about her experience?

I am actually giving away a copy of Sara's book.  Just visit the giveaway a couple of posts down or click HERE.

Wait! What? It's August already?

Yes, my friend, August is here. She brought with her some fog this morning, while July left me with two big kids that didn't want to sleep last night.  They haven't yet figured out that their mama must go back to work because the boxes piled in Room 206 will not unpack themselves.  It is sad when a toddler is easier to get to sleep than the big boys.

Colin is NOT excited about today.....6th grade orientation.  Yes, my baby is a middle schooler now. I figure that is why he couldn't sleep.

Carson is excited about the Star Wars Death Star (?) being available on Club Penguin today.  I figure that is why he couldn't sleep.

Me, I just wanted to sleep. I seem to never get enough of it.

Speaking of why I haven't slept a lot lately....here is one reason....

Colin had a sleepover for his 11th birthday.  2 friends + birthday boy + 2 little brothers = one sleep deprived mama.  But it is all worth it. All the boys were really good and enjoyed themselves. I think we all finally got in bed a little after 3AM.

Colin isn't really big on eating cake, but he definitely knows what kind he wants.  This year he wanted a hockey puck cake.

We served this at our family gathering for his birthday after church on Sunday.  For his sleepover, however, he had a giant cookie from The Cookie Store.

We had to eat it for lunch the next day because we filled up on hot dogs and S'mores before we could get to it!

So, now that it is August, it is back to school time.  There will be school supply shopping, classroom organizing, and open house attending.  There will also be soccer coaching and soccer playing. And a Yellow Ribbon event to attend.

What does August have in store for you?

Q&A with Sara Horn and a Giveaway!

As most of you know, I was selected to be a part of author Sara Horn's My Wife Life Team to help promote her new book My So-Called Life as a Submissive Wife. I have read this book and it is awesome. Actually, I've read them all and they are all amazing!

Recently, I was able to ask Sara a few questions about her experiment in biblical submission in marriage.

Q1. What would a submissive wife look like during a deployment?

Sara: My husband Cliff has been a Seabee in the Navy Reserves for 17 years now, and he is currently on his third deployment in the last six years. We have about eight months to go before he returns. We walked through this year-long experiment looking at biblical submission that I write about in the book, right after he returned from his second deployment, so I am learning what biblical submission looks like in a deployment first hand right now.

 For me, I think the biggest difference is attitude. I know it is easy sometimes to approach deployment as a military spouse with this determined, hunkered down, "it's all on me" kind of perspective, but I'm not sure that's always the best or most healthiest way to handle things. It's easier for resentment to grow and it's easier to feel less respect for your husband when you do that. You convince yourself you don't need him, because you think that will get you through the next several months apart, but in the end, that attitude can really hurt you and your marriage in the long run. Because deployments don't last, and eventually they do come home, and how you handle their absence during deployment is just as important if not more so than how you handle it when they return. 

Even during deployment, I still think of us as two, and even though he's far away right now, he's still part of our family, and he still leads our family. Now, can I go to him every day with decisions? No. But I'm not going to make decisions that I know he specifically wouldn't like or wouldn't feel comfortable with. I'm going to keep him in mind when I'm disciplining our son, and when I talk to him, I'm going to be sure to keep him in the loop on important things with the family. Trust and respect and communication are really vital.

Q2. What were some notable changes you saw in your son as a result of the submissive wife experiment?

Sara: I'm not sure if I saw any specific changes in Caleb as we were going through this. For one thing, we were in a house full of people for about half of the time and I'm not sure he would have noticed much to begin with. From his perspective (and I had to ask him just now), he has always seen his parents in a close, loving marriage. He's seen us kissing and holding hands, and he's seen us arguing and in heated discussions about things. But he's always seen those arguments resolved with apologies and hugs. He knows how much I love and respect his dad, because I tell him often, and he sees the respect and love his dad shows me. Just in the last few months before he left, I did notice Cliff very intentionally leading our son. He'd make sure he was doing his chores, and that Caleb was listening when I asked him to do something, and he was very deliberate in letting Caleb know the importance of helping me with things around the house. He would correct him when he wasn't doing what he was supposed to. I definitely saw changes in Cliff during our experience, really taking initiative to lead our family, and so in that way, I would say Caleb has been impacted. He's got a dad who is teaching him how to lead in a godly way as a man.

Q3. Has your submission experiment rubbed off on any friends or those who thought you were crazy?

Sara: That's a good question! I'm not sure, because if there is one thing I'm a firm believer in, making a decision to pursue biblical submission, or make changes in your marriage, can really only happen when you're ready for a change or for a heart change. It's gotta start with your own heart and your own awareness of a need to change some things, so I've been very careful, even in my small group at church, not to pressure or do anything that  would make someone feel guilty or something for not being at a point where they want to do this. There is one person in my life who seems to have softened in the last year towards her marriage and her family, though I have no idea if it has anything to do with what Cliff and I walked through and learned. I hope that as friends get hold of the book, that just like other readers I've heard from, I hope my friends will also be encouraged. 

Q4. How do you handle those moments when you were being "the submissive wife" and allowing your husband to lead when you didn't agree with him? (Those I told you so moments)

Sara: We had one of those just the other day when I was talking to my husband on the phone. :) I've started calling those moments Edit moments. Meaning you have to be willing to edit yourself and just because you feel like saying something doesn't mean you should. In our case, my husband was struggling with something that ultimately, he had made the decision on and it was a decision that at the time I had questioned him about but had respected and supported what he'd decided. At that moment on the phone, he was really struggling with some things he hadn't expected as part of that decision. It was tempting for me to say "I told you so, if you'd only listened to me" but as I was listening to him, I knew that wouldn't have helped him at all. So I listened. I encouraged where I could. I let him know I believed everything was going to be ok and that I believed in him. And I still trust that the decision my husband made, God is still going to honor and there will be blessings despite the challenges. 

I do want to make a point here, that biblical submission is NOT the equivalent of us as wives putting duck tape on our mouths and we aren't allowed to ever express an opinion or speak up when a decision is to be made. God did not make us to be doormats. NOT AT ALL. As wives, we should offer our opinions to our husbands, we should speak up when we're concerned the wrong decision is being made. But there's a way to do it that doesn't make our husbands feel small and there's a way to do it that helps our husbands consider our additional counsel, so to speak, as opposed to us saying "THIS is how it should be done." A loving tone and a graceful giving spirit goes a long way.

How would you like to have a copy of Sara's new book?  

Well, she would love for you to have a copy, so 

Sara is giving a copy to one of my lucky readers.  

You can have multiple entries by:

1. Leave a comment here describing what submission in marriage looks like to you.  

2. Visit Sara's store at sarahorn.com, come back here, and leave a comment telling us what your favorite item is.

3. Share this post via Facebook and leave a comment that you did.

4. Share this post via email and leave a comment that you did.

5. Leave a comment telling us who shared this post with you via Facebook or email.

I will randomly select a winner on Saturday, August 3. 

Good luck!

You can find Sara on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/sarahornwrites

and

follow her on Twitter at https://twitter.com/sarahorn.

Book Review: My So-Called Life as a Submissive Wife

Submissive is probably not a word that most women would want to have describe them; after all, we come from the generation of Girls Can Do Anything Boys Can Do Only Better.  We've been told to dream big, become independent, and successful. Not that there is necessarily anything wrong with having goals and dreams, but maybe we need to take a long look at what being submissive really means when it comes to marriage.

That's exactly what author Sara Horn did.

After her Proverbs 31 experiment, Sara felt that God was leading her on another journey, what it means to be a submissive wife. Many people, including her husband, questioned why she would want to do this new experiment.  For Sara, it was finding out what God's will was for her as a wife and mom.  Her journey is documented in her book My So-Called Life as a Submissive Wife.

Sara writes honestly about her journey through the submission experiment.  She discusses her highs and lows as she struggles to change her thinking, behavior, and attitude. I was able to relate to many of the things that Sara wrote about: the feeling/need to do it all, micromanaging a marriage whether you mean to or not, wanting more out of life/following your dreams, but not wanting that to interfere with your family responsibilities, and letting go so your husband can lead.  

Like most women, Sara didn't feel the call to be a domestic goddess, although the experiment did help her look at the responsibilities of marriage and family a bit differently.  Sometimes we can become resentful in having to cook and clean, in having to take care of children, and fulfilling other duties when it seems no one notices or helps. But in trying to live according to biblical submission, a new perspective is formed.

By the end of the book, I no longer viewed submission as a bad thing. Sara's story showed me that biblical submission can strengthen a marriage, yet, that submission and the process is different for each marriage. 

I loved reading this book. I laughed. I cried. I felt convicted. Most of all, I feel motivated to work on being more submissive in my own marriage. I highly recommend this book to any woman who has a desire to become the wife that God has planned for her.

I received a free copy of this book from Sara Horn and Harvest House Publishers as part of The My Wife Team. I was asked to read and post an honest review of this book. 

Book Review: Upside-Down Prayers for Parents

Parents want their children to live godly lives. They want their children to be happy and to make a difference in the world.   They can't do it alone.  As parents, we need to pray for our children. 

In her book, Upside-Down Prayers for Parents, Lisa T. Bergren offers 31 devotions that parents can use to lift up their children to God.

Each day is consistent in its format with the previous day.  It begins with an "I pray...." statement and related scripture.   The next part of each day is a short personal story that relates to the topic and then a specific prayer.  The daily devotions end with a section called Making it Personal where parents can gain or reflect on their personal experience and then a Making it Relevant section which helps children relate to an experience as well.  There are questions for both older children and younger children.

I like the fact that the devotions are short and consistent.  I also like that there is both a place where the parent and children can become active in the devotion and reflect.  The blank writing space is also convenient.  I think this would be an excellent devotion for parents who have a desire to pray for their children and help them to strengthen their children's relationship with God and to help the parent be more intentional on praying for their children.

I received a free copy of this book from WaterBrook Press for the purpose of an honest review as part of their blogger book review program. 

Submission

Yes, you read that correctly.

Submission.

I've just read Sara Horn's new book My So-Called Life as a Submissive Wife. 

I really liked it and will be posting a review of it soon. 

But for now, I'd like to know your thoughts on submission in marriage.  Does it scare you? Do you think it is wrong? Is it politically incorrect?  Is it necessary? Should it be standard? What do you think?

Book Review: My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife

Like many women who read about The Virtuous Wife from Proverbs 31:10-31, Sara Horn felt intimidated and didn't like her. At the same time, though, she felt that there could be something there. Something that she needed to experiment with.  So, that set wife, mom, author Sara Horn on an experiment, a journey to study the Proverbs 31 wife and try to become more like her. She wrote about this experiment in her book My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife.

Throughout the journey, Sara saw success and failures.  She is a driven woman who has a strong desire to minister and work.  She has a husband who likes to help out.  During this experiment, the family was in a difficult season, unemployment for her husband and her quest to become domesticated. 

Sara found out that the most important part of the process would be her relationship with God.  If she feared him and strengthened her relationship with God, then her other relationships would fall into place.  She would be the woman God had planned for her.

I really enjoyed this book. Sara writes with honesty and humor.  It is easy to relate with her experience. 

I received a free copy of this book from Sara Horn and Harvest House Publishers as part of the My Wife Life Team.  I was not required to write a review.