Write

Growing up, I'd always wanted to be a teacher.  I loved playing school with the neighborhood kids and my imaginary class.  I would incorporate some of my real life school experiences into my make-believe classroom.  Teaching was my goal, my dream.

There was a brief moment my junior year of high school when I took Accounting that I thought of changing my career.  I did pretty well in that class, learned how much money I could earn and seriously considered becoming an accountant.  Then I remembered that I wasn't really the math person I thought I was.  I scratched that idea and decided teaching elementary school was more my speed.

Throughout all of this, I was a lover of words. I loved to read.  In fact, when I was in middle school, I read 17 Harlequin Romance books over spring break.  I even loved to write. In 6th grade, my friend and I wrote a book for Young Authors.  I wrote poems and envisioned what I would write about if I ever wrote a book.  And music.....music touches my soul because of its use of words.

I love words.

And the older I've gotten, I've grown to love them even more.

I have a greater desire to write.

When I first starting blogging, I came across blogs that I fell in love with. I loved the authors' writing styles. I loved how they touched my heart with their words, making me laugh and cry. They had me coming back for more.

It got to the point where I kept thinking, "I can write like that."  So, I tried to be more consistent in my writing. I've tried to continue to write about my family and expand more into devotional and inspirational writing.  I want people to be encouraged when they come across my words.

However, I've had the same feelings as mention in On Being a Writer....

"Where is the story, the perspective, the hope that only I can express?"

I too have found myself in the pages of others books, in the words typed to their blogs.  I too have that story, but what makes my story unique?  What makes my story.....my story?

When I start with those questions, I start doubting myself, my writing ability.  I sometimes begin to feel like my story isn't worth telling.

But it is.

My blog comments tell me it is.

Text messages from friends and coworkers tell me it is.

God keeps reminding me that I have a story to tell.

I love to write, and I like to think I'm good at it.

Sometimes we are our own worst enemies, but we just have to remember that God has given us a gift, and we need to use that gift to the best of our abilities.

So once I overcome the struggle of being good enough, there are other factors I have to deal with.  Probably the biggest obstacle I have in writing is time.

My question is....Is this the write time for me to be writing?

I want so badly to drop my children off at school each day, come home, get the laundry and dishwasher going, and then read and write. I want to write my blog posts. I want to write a book.  I want to write full time.

There's a little thing called debt standing in my way.

Car loan.

Two mortgages (Anyone want to buy a house?).

Student loans.

Yep, I've gotta pay my bills.  Maybe I could win the lottery.....only I don't play, so that may be an issue.

Writing full time, making it a money making career, just isn't an option for me.  I could quit for now and wait until the time is perfect, when the bills are paid off and the kids are grown up.

But like Ann Kroeker says, "If I wait for ideal conditions, I'll never get anything done."

I need to take advantage of the time I have, manage my time better, and just write.

If it's important to me, if it's what I honest and truly feel I'm supposed to do, I just need to write.