In Their Shoes

We've all been there....

Someone we know and love is going through something, and we tell them what they should do.
Doing this though causes conflict. We become frustrated and that person becomes frustrated. Why doesn't he/she just do what we say?

Well, because we aren't in their shoes.

It is so easy to stand there and tell people what they should do, think, or how they should act. What isn't easy is to just stop and listen. A lot of times that is all we need to do (openly) to help someone. When I say openly, that's what they should see us do. We should be caring and compassionate with whatever they are going through. The best way to do that is to listen.

What then? How is listening and not telling them what to do going to help?

We should pray. We should pray for God's guidance for both us and that person. We should pray for His will to be done in that situation. We should pray for that person's salvation. Then hand it all over to God and let him work.

It breaks my heart to see my loved ones hurting. However, I don't want to make them hurt worse by my words or actions. All I can do is show my loved ones I love them. I may not agree with what they say and do, but I love them.

After all, I am not in their shoes.

One of the most difficult things that I have had to do in my prayer life is to ask God for His will to be done even if it is to take that person from me.

I remember when my grandfather was sick with cancer again. Selfishly, I wanted Pa here. I wanted to be able to see him. I wanted that Popeye kiss and those whiskers rubbed against my hand. Even more though, I didn't want him to suffer. He was so weak and feeble, nothing but skin and bones. He was my Pa Tootsie and I was his baby girl. Oh, how it broke my heart to see him in pain. When he died, I was mourned, but yet found comfort in the fact that he knew Jesus. That gave me peace. I still miss him. I still go to the cemetery. But I know that I will see him once again.

My only two living grandparents are my grandmothers. They are both not well. Granny Uhls has always been independent (as long as I can remember). She worked hard. She cared for her gardens and family. After Pa Uhls died, she moved to Florida. I was happy for her because this was one of her most favorite places. Yes, I missed her, but the weather and climate were good for her health. Since moving back, she has had nothing but health problems. When she has her "spells," I know it kills her daughters to sit by and watch. She won't let them call for help. She will just sit there until the pain is gone. To me, I ask, "What kind of life is that, waiting for the "big one" to just take you?" But then again, I am not in her shoes. I don't know what it is like to be older and not capable of doing all the things I've always done. I don't know what it is like to live without the love of my life.

My other grandmother has always seemed weak. Well, in my eyes anyway. I barely remember her being able to do things well on her own. I remember her falling, breaking her hip and since then always having trouble getting around. For years, her and Pa Tootsie sat there in that smoky living room together, her saying, "Well, Tootsie," and him fussing back, "Damn it Reece." They were always together. She took care of him and he took care of her. Then in 2006, God called for him. Granny has been alone in that house ever since. Now, to us, it seems as she has given up. She stays sick, she won't eat. Last week, she was put in a nursing home. How it breaks my heart that she is ready for God to call for her. But then again, I am not in her shoes. I don't know what it is like to have my children all grown up and with lives of their own. I don't know what it is like to have spent so many years of my life alone with my true love and then have him go Home to then be left alone.

I don't know what it is like......
I'm not in their shoes.

Selfishly, I do want my grandmothers here when Carter arrives in March. Selfishly, I want them to see my boys grow up and become strong Christian men.

Selfishly....I think I have distanced myself from my grandmothers since they have been sick. Do I risk taking my boys to see their great grandmother, risking the chance of her falling out in the floor with a heart attack? Do I risk taking them to visit with their other great grandmother to then have to give breathing treatments and Benadryl to stop the allergies and coughing brought on by the cigarette smoke and their weak respiratory systems?

Selfishly, we do things.
Selfishly, we say things.
Selfishly, we hurt others.

Selfishly, we pretend to put ourselves in their shoes to try to make them do what we want....for us. But what is best for them? God only knows. That is why we have to pray for His will to be done, not ours, but His. That is why we have to pray for discernment in these situations. We have to pray for the ability to bite our tongues and just love those people regardless of what our will is.

After all,
We are not in their shoes.