The Past Makes Us Who We Are Today

After publishing my last blog post, my husband read over it and commented on this section:

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “For everything there is a season, as time for everything under heaven.”  For me, the changing seasons are a reminder of that.  When the leaves start to fall, when the first snowflake floats across the sky, when the flowers start to bloom, and when the heat of the day takes our breath away, well, those moments serve as reminders that life is full of change. There are beginnings and endings and stories and moments in between.  And honestly, I am thankful for that change. I don’t want to stay in November forever and relive that moment my husband boards a plane for Afghanistan. I don’t want to stay in the season of deployment or sickness or family crisis. I need rebirth. I need change. I crave the smell of freshly cut spring grass and the sound of summer thunderstorms.  Changing seasons remind me that there is always hope.

What he told me was this....

"I don't live in those seasons, but they are a part of me.  There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about being in Afghanistan.  I don't dwell on it, but it is a part of who I am."

I had to think about it for a moment, and then I agreed.

I think about the seasons of life that have changed me, that although I don't wish to relive those moments, they are a part of me and have made an impact on my life.

My miscarriage was probably the first thing that came to mind.

There is rarely a day that goes by that I don't think about that season.  In a matter of weeks, my life changed.  From finding out that you are pregnant with baby number 4 to finding out that child has stopped growing to actually losing your baby from your body.....that changed me.  I never knew that I could love someone I've never met face to face that much.  I never knew that baby would still be a part of me.  As I sat looking at the stockings hanging from the mantle last night, I fought back tears, knowing that an almost two year old should have a stocking up there too.

But in all that devastation, I learned something else.  I learned just how much God loves me.

Now, I don't know why I had a miscarriage.  I'm not going to question those specifics.  But I do know that God took care of me.  He provided for me in so many amazing ways.  Through my husband, my doctor, my nurses, and my friends and family, God's love was evident.  The peace He gave me is indescribable.  And now, I'm more aware.....I'm not claiming to be the best mom in the world by any means, but I've learned to focus on my children, to give them my full attention, to cherish each moment with them.  I find myself just watching them, taking them in, deep into my soul.  Their love, their laughter, their innocence.

Jeff's deployment also changed me, impacting who I am today.  Deployment is rough, I'm not gonna lie, but God works through all things.  He provided for our family during deployment.  He kept my husband safe.  He gave me peace during times that I thought there would be none.  He gave me an amazing church family to care for us and pray for us.  I've learned not to take my husband for granted.  He is a gift, an amazing husband, father, and servant.  As I've watched him care for his soldiers, I am moved.  He has a gift, an ability to connect with others and speak truth to them.

And through this thing called deployment, I learned that I'm not alone.  There are women who did this before me, alongside me, and continue so after me.  I've learned all the more that I don't have it all together, and that's just fine.  As long as I have God, He will provide for me in ways I could never imagine.

And as I type these words, I'm seeing a pattern.....Do you?

It's not in those mountaintop moments that I realize how much I need God.  It's in those valleys when it seems hope is gone, when I feel lost, when I feel afraid, when I'm weak....it's those moments that I realize my great need for Him.  And it's then when I feel Him closest to me, when He reveals Himself to me in amazing ways.

Those are the Valleys of Blessings.

And I'm thankful for them.

Without those seasons of life, I would become prideful. I would push God aside and claim my victories as my own.  But Christ is the one who has overcome the world for me. And so I am thankful for those seasons that remind me of my neediness for Christ.  

Can You Find Something to be Thankful For?

Let’s just be real for a moment.

Sometimes, it is just really hard to be grateful.

Money’s tight.

Someone is sick.

Kids aren’t getting along.

Car breaks down. Again.

Toilet’s clogged.

Spouse is away.

The holidays are upon us and that just means extra pounds and family drama.

There are just always seems to be so many things that make us want to shake our heads, crawl under a rock, or a really comfy blanket, and stay there.

Sometimes, we might even ask, “What do I have to be thankful about?”

Honestly, I think we’ve all been there, so I’d like to offer you some suggestions based on my personal “thankful list.”

God

Mentioning God first may seem a little obvious, but how often do we truly THANK HIM and are THANKFUL FOR HIM.  Just knowing that God loves me no matter what, on my good days and my bad days, well, that just becomes overwhelming.  And the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for our sins??? If I had nothing else to be thankful for, that would be enough! I’m thankful for God’s Word as well.  Where else can I find love, friendship, advice, and food for the soul?

Spouse

Yes, maybe another obvious choice, but don’t we often take our spouses for granted?  We rush off to our day to day business and just expect they know we love and appreciate them.  But really, we need to live daily knowing we are not promised tomorrow. We need to be thankful for the little things:

a morning kiss, bad breath and all

a fresh cup of coffee you didn’t have to pour

an unexpected lunch date or take out dinner

sharing your favorite dessert at your local DQ

help doing the laundry or dishes

butterflies when he still flirts with you

flowers for no reason or to make up for a fight

the sacrifice of his little part in making this world a better place

For those of us that are military wives, we can’t afford to take our spouses for granted.  No matter what rough patch we may be going through, we should show our thankfulness for our husbands.

Children

Whether ours or someone else’s, children are a gift from God (Psalm 127:3). Yes, this morning I was annoyed with the fussing and demands of my 3 children just moments after posting on Instagram they were a blessing.  Really and truly, they are a blessing.  God chose me to be their mom, and I am thankful for them, messy rooms, stinky socks, and all.  We can learn so much from children.  Their innocence is refreshing and life changing.

Friends

Whether lifelong or brand new, friends are important.  God didn’t create us to be alone. He created us for a relationship with Him, after all.  And part of that relationship is being in fellowship with others.  Some friendships are learning experiences, while some friendships are only for a season. Others are for a lifetime.  Either way, I believe that God places people in our lives for a reason, and I’ve found that all of my friendships have made an impact on my life.

America

Some complain there is a lot wrong with our country, but there is also a lot right with our country.  I still believe that this is a great place to live.  Our country was built on a strong foundation.  We can choose to let that foundation crumble, or we can fight to keep it strong.  I am thankful to be here, in America, because I know first-hand the sacrifice of what keeps this country free.

Career (or not)

Whether you choose to work or stay at home, either is a blessing. For me, I get frustrated with the “business” and secretarial parts of education, but I love teaching. I love seeing the students “get it” after all their hard work.  Yes, some days, I want to stay home. Some days, I want to change careers, but I’m blessed to be able to help provide for my family while doing something meaningful.

Home

Whether you live on post, in an apartment, or the nicest house in town, you have a roof over your head.  The number of homeless increases each day.  I am thankful that my children are able to come home to the walls that make our house and the hearts that make it a home.

Laundry, Dirty Dishes, and Toys

“Stuff” can be overwhelming. As I’m writing, the washer and dryer or running, the dishwasher is almost full, boxes from our summer move remain unpacked, and there are toys and crumbs on the floor.  But for all those things, I choose to be thankful. 

Dirty dishes mean we had food to eat.

Laundry to wash means we had clothes to wear.

Toys mean that my children are able to play and pretend with things that interest them.

Changing Seasons

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “For everything there is a season, as time for everything under heaven.”  For me, the changing seasons are a reminder of that.  When the leaves start to fall, when the first snowflake floats across the sky, when the flowers start to bloom, and when the heat of the day takes our breath away, well, those moments serve as reminders that life is full of change. There are beginnings and endings and stories and moments in between.  And honestly, I am thankful for that change. I don’t want to stay in November forever and relive that moment my husband boards a plane for Afghanistan. I don’t want to stay in the season of deployment or sickness or family crisis. I need rebirth. I need change. I crave the smell of freshly cut spring grass and the sound of summer thunderstorms.  Changing seasons remind me that there is always hope.

Online Communities

For someone who feels socially awkward, online communities have helped me live my dream of being a writer, giving me the chance to share words.  I’ve met new friends here, friends that although I’ve never met in real life, we still have this bond that is strong.  Communities such as Wives of Faith, Planting Roots, and Five Minute Friday will always have a special place in my heart.

You see, there is so much to be thankful for. We just have to open our eyes, get out from under that blanket and look.  Blessings surround us and are never too small to mention. So, I ask you, what do you have to be thankful for?

No Compromise

Five Minute Friday: Weary

So, Kate’s word this week is weary.  I’m from the south. We don’t get weary. We get tired.

And ya’ll…..

I’m tired.

Physically, I need some rest.  Late nights. Early mornings. Going and going all day long. 

Mentally, I need some rest.  I want to veg out, watch Christmas movies, an NCIS marathon (or 90210 or Homeland).  I want my brain to do NOTHING.

As a mama, I’m tired.  I’m tired of fussing and stopping arguments.  I’m tired of backtalking and hateful attitudes.  And while I’m on the subject….Pray for me. I have a teenager.  Oh.

But in all this weariness…

My heart

My soul

My body

I find rest.

I find rest in Christ.

And I don’t know how to put it into elaborate words, so I will say it simply.

When I’m weary, Christ gives me rest.

In Him, I find peace.  I find hope. I find joy.

And we are all going through something that makes us weary, and I tell you, girl….There’s Jesus.  He wants you to bring him all your burdens.  He wants you to lay them down at His cross. He wants to give you strength and rest.

And my five minutes are up, but let me tell you this.

Whether you are a tired mama

A military wife

A warrior battling disease

Whether your finances are in shambles

Your marriage is falling apart

You don’t know where you will lay your head tonight

Take it to Christ.  He wants you to lean on Him.  He wants to give you rest for your weary self. 

I’ve been there.

I’ve been weary from deployment and finances and my career and sick children and miscarriage and - - - - and Christ was there.  When I chose to carry my burdens to Him, he met me right where I was and gave me rest, gave me peace, gave me hope.

And Christ can do that for you too.

Just say Jesus.